The Inevitable Crash at the End of the Tunnel

Do you how when you are just going and working and doing and no down time or break for so long and you are just doing it and going and going and you are tired but motivated and just keep going because there is so much to do and if you don't get it done, there really is no one else who can.....

....and then, finally, you get a bit a a respite, a day off when you can do some things, but decide to chill for once...

...and of course, your body, perhaps strategically, chooses that day to smack you down with a whopper of a cold...

...well that was basically my Christmas...

...sick as a dog, so the saying goes...where does that saying come from?

It was pretty intense. I don't remember being that sick in a long time. But I'm feeling a good deal better today and will be heading off to see the doctor to get drugs. DRUUUGGGS!

But first, I wanted to write a little this morning. Possibly may last Life Line post of the year, and the Life Line saw a bit of a renascence this year, and some big, but good, life transitions and opportunities that kept being put in my path. And I took them all on.

And it was a hugely successful year in that regard. My most successful perhaps, that I plan to continue building on.

I am moving closer to closing on my home (man, that process is a crazy on), and I found a person to rent my home out to. I was pretty worried about finding anyone, but the response was overwhelming. I should have list a higher monthly rent, Live and learn.

But now I am also thinking, after I build more equity, investing in rental properties might be a thing I may want to do.

And perhaps set up a sweet retirement source of income.

Something on my radar at least.

But first things first.

Things to do today. Christmas is net yet over...I kinda didn't get one, and my boys and I have some fun plans in stores (it was my ex's turn to have to boys on Christmas). Oddly, I wasn't depressed about it like I was the first time I didn't get to spend Christmas with my boys the first time a couple years back.

I missed them, of course, But this is now just the new norm, and the time I was with my ex and our family was together is become a distant memory (in the not so distant past).

It's a much healthier mental state to be in. Those first months, that first year and a half or so...that was rough on multiple levels.

And yet, it also led to some of the success I have been working up to. Not entirely sure I would have had the same success if I was still married. That may be totally unfair to my ex, but...there is truth there. Perhaps for both of us.

And yet...I still hang on to slivers of hope of our family coming back together.

Romantic fool.

Ugh. I get pretty tied pretty quickly. And sweat a lot. Gross, I know. Hopeful that is my body working to get this cold out of my system.

Don't worry, body, I will be sending some help down my gullet soon enough.

Oh, and coffee...so good this morning.

Yesterday, no coffee. You know you're sick when you don't crave coffee. That was perhaps the biggest indicator that this would be something I could shake off and power through.

But the black goodness is with me once again. And it was blissful.

Bliss.

Hmmm...I used to be very big on the notion of following your bliss. But my life has gone in some unexpected directions. Maybe I was too fixated on a path that was not really my bliss.

What, then, really is my bliss? What do I really want?

Writing is always somewhere in there. I would like to get back into writing, as I keep saying. Perhaps this year i will finally get to do so.

Perhaps.

Cycle of Ever-Expanding Projects and To-Dos; and Reconciliation Fantasies

Alright, I feel things are starting to come together, once again (life seems to be a series of expanding projects and obligations that snowball into an overwhelming kaleidoscope of tasks that become jumbled and unmanageable, but then, eventually--through planning, diligence, and hard work--stop expending and start coming under control, allowing for a short period of respite, only to begin anew as new shit, both self-imposed and externally demanded, continues to accumulate).

I'm still overwhelmed, but I am at at point where I am feeling things are more in control. For now, anyway.

I move closer and closer to the closing date on my new home. I had some pretty crazy hurdles there to deal with, and the deal was, at one point, in danger of falling apart. But it seems things are now pretty solid moving forward. But, of course, there is still work to do there.

Renting out my house: waaay easier than I had thought. The demand has been overwhelming. The process has been time consuming, but I am in a position where I have several people I feel comfortable with who are ready to sign a lease today (if I needed it). But, I need a firm loan approval commitment from the bank on my new house before I sign a lease, which complicates things a bit.

So very excited about this new home for my boys. It will be a great home for them to grow up in. Our current, smaller house has served us well. And, oddly, in my remaining time in my current home, which I have never been all too happy with, I had a moment this morning as I was standing in the living room and drinking coffee, that I would actually miss this crap-hole. I feel an odd loyalty to places i have lived. As if the houses our beings in their own right. This house has become us. We have developed a nice routine, and my boys are thriving. It is the first house I have owned. It will always be that. It has kept us safe in harsh weather. Last winter was particularly nasty. And we had a very real tornado scare not too long ago. I will never forget that. We camped out in our basement, played games, and watched shows on my computer. It kept us safe.

My boys have grown so much in the time we've spend here.

But we need something bigger and better, and I like the idea of having someone else pay the mortgage of for me, and even making a little profit from it, which I can apply toward my new mortgage payment.

Weird to think I will be a landlord, About time I am referred to as Lord. I may go by that all the time. (Joking.)

But seriously, this are is such an extreme renters market, I may by more property to rent out. It's a great side-business, as my realtor once told me. And could be my ticket to a comfortable retirement.

And who knows--I may come back to this smaller home and retire here. It's a nice, quite neighborhood, with a community of older residents.

I think about other things. Will I ever find love again? I have been so focused on my work and my boys. I have had no time for that. That time when I had love it my life is becoming a distant memory.

Yet, I do want someone to share my life with, eventually. Someone to adore and adore me back and tell me I am doing well and right by my family and the ones I love.

But I also don't feel ready to...compromise my life yet for someone else. I like the independence of running my life how I see fit and not having to consider anyone else, except my boys of course (and in practice, I do have to consider my ex in a lot of things I do and decisions I make...but it is of a very different nature than committing to someone romantically). I also don't know if I trust myself with love. And I can't afford big relationship mistakes anymore. I am just recovering from the, emotionally and financially, from the separation/divorce. She's moved on and sees people, I know. But I am me.

I guess I tend to cling to the past too much. I still have fantasies of getting back together. A total reenactment of my childhood, where I was always hopefully my mom and dad would get back together. I know my boys experience that same wish and always will on some level. That is one things my ex, who did not come from a broken home, will ever truly understand.

But I have this day dream that she will see my new home and, I don't know, what to bring our family back together under one room and realize the emotional and financial benefit to our boys.

Total pipe dream. She is someone else now...in ways very different from the persona she presented to me when we were married, while simultaneously also being the same person. We still have a camaraderie and inside jokes that surface sometime. Our relationship is a lot better. We have worked on that for our boys. But there is always a tension there. I don't know if that will ever fully disappear.

No word from that skype interview a coupe Fridays ago. Probably not a good sign. I will call to follow up this week.

There is another position closer to my home I have come across. I will look into that as well.

Well, I need to dive into grading...and get that done!

Managing Many High Stress Projects, Professional and Personal...and Loving It

Just finished a BIG report for work yesterday. My first as the program director. Been planning and prepping for it for months. There was a lot involved. Lots of late nights recently, lots of stress (normal-ish), and a lot of setting clear limits and prioritizing, since many people need my attention, input, approval, etc., for a variety of things.

I am very fortunate for the help I received in completing the reports. It entailed a lot of data to sift through, clean up, organize, etc. I could not have done it (not even come close) without their help. Thank you!

It was a pretty stressful week in general. A lot of high stress situation happening at the same time. The report was one, which I had to prioritize. But that was one among many.

The holiday season brings stress.

But another BIG one....I am buying a new house. Ahhhh! :)

Excited about it and stressed at the same time. We are in the closing process stage now, with a closing date set for sometime in early January. My second home. An upgrade...more space for my boys, as they are getting older and bigger and need more room. And I just love the house in general.

So that with a busy holiday season...and my crazy family...and financial planning stuff to make it all happen...stress.

Add to that I also have to rent out my current home and somewhat quickly, The next most important thing on my to do list.

I ALSO (and this will come across as extremely crazy) applied and had an interview to yet another position. Very similar to what I do now but much, much close to my home. A lot of things attractive about it, and I could not not apply. Had a short Skype interview for that yesterday (on busy due date for my report). But I squeezed it in and felt it went OK. They seemed extremely interested. We will see if they call me back for a face to face.

I love what I do now, so if I do get offered the position, I will have to consider the offer carefully. I guess that is a good position to be in.

I also have to finish grading for my online class. Ugh.

There's more, but I won't continue to bore you with the details. I have been knocking each things out, and moving closer to feeling...more in control.

Things are well. I finished that report, it's Saturday morning, I am doing some writing, and enjoying a cup of coffee in my home.

Becoming Overwhelmed...Todoist and Smartsheet to the Rescue!

I'm becoming more of a weekend warrior when it comes to writing. Work, as always, is to blame. Plus, my new position (and kindergarten,,,and nos soccer, which my boys love!) is a pretty big life transition I am still learning to balance. Especially the job, and I do have to admit feeling a bit overwhelmed with it, which is killing my excitement. But I am determined to build on that program and make it better! I have an excellent foundation to build from and a great staff.

But still...feeling overwhelmed.

I don't have a good workflow system in place. I just jumped in and started trouble shooting from the start.

I have a couple solution there. As I mentioned before, I am going back to Todoist. Have already started. It is a better project/task manager tool and I can sync with Evernote, especially for project planning, as needed. I have also starting using Smartsheet. This is a great team collaboration and project management tool. Very impressed with it so far.

A lot of today will be about getting ready for the week. But I also have to get to my second job (teaching an online class).

Busy day ahead, but I also worked in some good down time.

Back to it.

Budget-Anxiety (and Increasing Confidence), Emotional Intelligence and Leadership, & Video Games as a Self-Efficacy Tool

The semester is in full swing now. I have survived, but it was a crazy-busy week (in a good way). I still feel intimidated by the MUCH larger budget I manage, but I am feeling more comfortable with that already as well. The actual amount is more of a psychological thing. In practice, it is not so different from smaller budget amounts. The same budgeting principles apply (but there are also some differences due to the magnitude...and I feel confident I can do this well).

I'm currently in a situation where I am shopping around and will be spending a pretty large chunk of change. THAT feels somewhat intimidating, if I look at it big picture, which I do need to do. But using that big picture to break it into smaller chunks does wonders. I will be working on that stuff today and will have a plan to get this done tomorrow. I really am looking forward to showing them my awesomeness in this situation.

Then I can move on to other things,

Like I keep saying, I love these challenges and the mental stimulation involved.

But this particular issue has been my priority and most immediate focus all week, and it currently still dominates my other priorities. Part of the problem is inheriting a budget and researching back what has been spent, when, where, and why. The transition between directors and my somewhat late start at a critical time has presented more challenges. This combination will lead to some other consequences, but I have a good grasp on that as well.

But I feel good about how I have been handling this.

I look forward to when it will be "my budget."

What I am not as proud of with my performance is how I have been implemented needed changes with the work group. I have not been tended to the work groups needs or feedback very well, and it has left them feeling thrown off. That is totally on me, so I have to address it. Re-evaluate and tend better to the emotional state of cohesion of the group. I may have to pull back on some things and give them more agency in helping with and planning these changes.

This, too, I can turn into an opportunity for growth, for me and for the group, and for each individual. I've been becoming very big on the concept of emotional intelligence and how that relates to successful leadership. My training in counseling really puts me at an advantage there, I believe.

-------

My boys are doing well in kindergarten. We had an open house, and I was impressed with how the teacher praised their ability to listen well (we've been working on that), their enthusiasm, and how well they are doing with letters and starting to read. So proud of them. I especially rewarded the the listening praise.

I have also been working on helping to cultivate a positive attitude for difficult/frustrating tasks, and I am starting to see pay offs already. They are now telling me how when they accomplish something difficult, they kept telling themselves they can do it (they were getting in this habit of saying things like, "I will NEVER be able to do it," which was worrying me) and how that is directly translating into what I am seeing in an increased willingness to persevere and eventual success. Love it!

I know it can be anathema to discuss video games as anything else but a terrible thing for children, but I disagree...if used properly and with intention. It can be used a positive tool that can help with confidence, competition, and increased self-efficacy in other areas, including academic.

I am not a fan of the violent video games for my children, but research is showing they do not necessarily promote increased violent tendencies. Anecdotally, one of my nephews played a lot of very violent games when he was younger, and I was worried how that may affect him. But he has matured in a very accomplished young man who is doing very well academically and in his numerous extra-curriculars.

After Some Experimentation With Different Project/Task Management Tools, ToDoist Seems to be the Best Fit

It was actually good to be back to work yesterday, and I am looking forward to getting started again today, I just like implementing and executing plans and collaborating productively with a team to get things done...part of my new(er) productivity kick,

Given what I learned at the training workshop, there are a number of changes we need to implement asap...some I had already been considering, some have become more pressing due to recent staff circumstances, and some have become a very immediate priority based on what I learned (including some immediate budget concerns, which, frankly, intimidate me).

But my big focus has been changing our scheduling structure, and I am getting good feedback and some push back. Collaboration is really important to me as a leader, and I want ideas to flow freely (and a culture that cultivates ideas). But when I decide on a course of actions based on all the feedback, I need full commitment to it from everyone. I like monitoring and analyzing what is and isn't working to continually tweak, but the staff needs to commit. And I am getting that and...not getting that. But it is a process and a challenge I enjoy and am excited about.

I have also all but decided to go back to ToDoist. I experimented with it for myself for a while...and it is a great tool. I just like using one tool, Evernote, instead of multiple ones. But for a team project/task manager, I have revisited ToDoist. I was hoping Asana would be the team project manager, but I have not been pleased with the functionality, especially the app, which is very limited. The ToDoist integration with multiple platforms is fantastic. And the app, which I have reinstalled on my phone, is simply beautiful. Plus, it is, in a sense, Evernote compatible. I can send a not as a task to ToDoist through the app...a feature I truly like.

Plus it has all the communication, group project sharing, and assigning of tasks that I really wanted. So, I am planning to introduce that to the team...soon. But first, I have some more immidiate issues that are extremeley time consuming and time sensitive to address.

But I will be planning a ToDoist rollout very soon.

Extended Stay Adventures: Mix of Getting Things Done and Getting to Know This City

Busy day yesterday, despite not having any training or anything else "scheduled." I did end up getting my stay extended for additional training (important stuff the college agree I should stay for). Yesterday was a sort of in-between sessions day, so I have a day to myself...in the West Coast! I spent a good deal of the day, however, working. Catching up on emails, trouble shooting issues needed my attention, planning, etc. I felt rather productive. I do like being in charge of this program. Such a great fit for me in terms of professional expertise and passion. Would I like more money, of course. But with hard and good work, that will come. And what would the next step be? Do I want to take on an even larger program? Maybe include more under what I already do? Maybe. Would I want to be a dean someday? It sounds attractive. Again, my answer is maybe. I need a better idea of what is involved, and it seems like a lot! I respect our Dean (the one I work most with) a lot. Very busy, hardworking, and straight forward. I like all those, but especially the straight-forwardness. I want to convey that to him. I like my new responsibilities, although it feels overwhelming at times. I have to be patient with myself there.

I probably could have continued working indefinitely. There is always more work to do. But after the most pressing things were taken care of, I decided to stop and spend a little time enjoying this beautiful city. I again went for a nice jog along the bay. Felt good. I then decided to rent a car to really explore the city and the area. That is me. I wanted to get a feel for things and just go where things led me. That I did. I'm a navy veteran, so I visited the naval museum and all the bases in the area. I was stationed East Coast, so I really wanted to see and experience the bases on this side. My old ship (re: my old home for four years) is actually currently docked here, which I found prtty amazing. Wherever you go, home is kind of always there. But, as they say, you can never go home again. As a veteran, I am not allowed back on bases, despite my VA card. I need an active military ID (or retired ID). Don't have those. Could not get on the bases, and they have currently stopped tours. I really tried multiple paths to see if I could get on board my old ship, even for a while. Just not happening. Irony. Stuck on that thing for four years. Couldn't wait to leave. And here I wanted nothing more than to get back on. Can't believe it's been 15 years. Where does the time go. In any case, I got as close as I could. It was good just to see her live and in port again. Talk about nostalgia.

I also checked out a local island and stopped at a ocean beach front. It was starting to get late, so I headed back to the city. I also had some other errands to run, included stocking up on things I needed, since I hadn't planned to stay so long. I just enjoyed the cruising. Got to see and experience the area.

My last stop was this fantastic bar on the top of a hotel that overlooked the local MLB park. I wasn't particularly interested in the game, but I am an old school sport fanatic (retired from the past time in a way--but considering picking it up for my boys sake...and also to bond more with other men--people love sports, as I used to, but I just kind of got sick of it...not sure how to rekindle that passion, and it is hard to fake it). It was fun, and I watched the game, drank and overpriced beer, and chatted with a few strangers who were also from out of town travelling on business trips.

Sessions start up again today. Kind of a bummer. Would love to chill more, but this is really important stuff, so I do have to psyche myself back up, get back into it. I may be more down-low with the activities. I can't spend to much (but I would say I have been pretty frugal, while also giving myself permission to experience life).

Good to write again. I regretting not having enough time to do so yesterday (and I thought I would have plenty).

Miss my boys. I made sure we talked yesterday. I love them so. I love our relationship and our strong bond. That is precious to me.

Getting Older, Maturity, and the Moment as Your Life

Day Two waking up in the West Coast. The training was fantastic and super helpful, and I am looking to see if I can stay long for the next training sessions. If I can, the most difficult part may be scheduling issues with the ex...and that I'd terribly miss my boys.

I don't have much time this morning. I did a few work emails first thing, but I wanted to sneak in a quick blog post.

I did get out on the town a little bit. Wanted to make sure I did. I have a couple cool activities planned for today as well. Who knows...I may never be here again. As I get older, life feels shorter and therefore more...precious. I want to soak it up more. Enjoy it more, even the parts that suck.

I am not sure if I posted about this before, but I found a great quote that has really resonated with me: "Be happy for this moment...for this moment is your life."

I am also excited about the things I am learning. I have a bunch of ideas of the changes I would like to make in our work group. Positive changes I am looking forward too. Some things we really HAVE to change.

If I can stay longer for the next training sessions, I would have a day of nothing to do. I would make that a work day...get lots of things done I could not otherwise fit in. In ways, it would be beneficial.

I hope I can make this extension work.

We will see.

Traveling, Motion Sickness, Penthouses, and the Tyranny of Morning People

Writing from my hotel balcony in the West Cost. Ocean front. It's a beautiful morning with. Pleasant breeze. The travels went fine, but despite all my efforts, anti-motion sick drugs, and precautions, I felt pretty sick. I've always been prone to motion sickness. Not excessively. But it made my service in the Navy a little rough at times. I love airport, but I hate flying. It's not a fear of heights, I just get a pretty bad headache and nausea. Guess I was never a bird in a past life.

But the travel was still fun, and I made a friend on the airplane (as airplane friendships go, anyway).

About an hour and a half before the training starts. Still have to get dresses. Already ate breakfast...in the penthouse overlooking the bay. It's been a long time since I've seen a docked aircraft carrier.

I'm debating whether to shower and shave. I showered before I passed out and woke a little later than I would have liked. And I don't mind a little unshaven, but neatly trimmed scruff. Though less professional. We'll see.

The ride allowed me to spend more time reading up on all the things, rules, regulations, budget stuff, I need to know for my new job. And also brainstorm and write down ideas as I did so. I enjoyed the process. I was more focused being away from the daily grind and concerns of my life at home. Hmm. What does that say about how I can better optimize things at home to be more productive and creative?

It's pretty early, and a lot of people are up and about doing things already. Why would they not sleep in? I would definitely still be in bed if I didn't have to get up. I am not a morning person at all. But I get up really early every day out of necessity. But my circadian rhythm always rebels (confessional--i had to look that word up...I was originally going to type internal clock).

Anyway, time to get ready for the day and turn on my social face.

Go West, Young Man!: Last Minute Things Before I Go

OK, so I am not exactly a young man (though I do still feel young...knock on wood). Go west, man (sans young) just does not have the same historic ring to it. 

But I am leaving for the West Coast soon. VERY SOON. A couple hours, actually, and I probably shouldn't be wasting time writing a blog post. But I felt like doing one, so there it is. 

Got my first promotion pay check. Better, but I am not blown away (but also not complaining). But that in additional to MUCH LESS spent on day care will make a very big difference.

The hiccup situation I mentioned yesterday is, I think, evening out. It will take time to repair (and some kind of mini-breach may always be there), but I just have to keep doing what I do and do it well and stay positive. I also have a new staffing issue to deal with. Initially, that news was an "oh fuck" moment. But those are the kinds of issues I am supposed to deal with. It's part of the job. Unexpected and kind of bullshit, yes. But that is what I have to work with and make work. And as I thought about it more, I realized it is also an opportunity to implement some changes I have been considering. This will sort of be a catalyst that will force these changes to happen. 

I had some thoughts on the matter as I wrote, so I opened Evernote to create a new folder and record those thoughts. EN win! But while waiting for EN to open I almost lost a thought. So a new standard practice needs to be keeping EN open. Open that first, before email (and anything else). 

OK, time to get moving now. Time is running short!

And I'm going to San Diego! Pretty excited about it, and I have a pretty cool packing.organization plan. 

Darth Vader vs. Hot Wheels.

Man, Three days since my last post? Time goes by fast (thank you Ferris Beuller wisdom). Speaking of time going by fast, my sons started kindergarten this week. So fast. Five years plus with since I first learned we were pregnant with my little knuckleheads...practically an eye blink. Yet, I have lived so much life, a more full and more...present life...with them in the picture. Next eye blink they will be 10. I can't even imagine that, in the same way I couldn't imagine five when they were babies. They are undeniably tiny people now (albeit crazy tiny people...as only five year olds can be). They have their own agency, and they are developing more of a consciousness, a self-story, a concept of who they are.

The little things make me happy. Yesterday they were playing with their Hot Wheels cars and race track set...and somehow this giant Darth Vader action figure we have become part of the shenanigans. Very Toy Story-eske. It was so...great. I was shaving with this big stupid grin as they played.

The new position continues to go well. Although I had a pretty major...hiccup I've had to deal with. Without going into details, it really sucks, and I am not out of the fire yet. But I am taking it as a learning experience and even an opportunity. Turn a potential negative into a positive. That's the only real way I can approach that...situation. But that's a more behind the scenes situation. The more visible study with the program and my new team is going great...but they have started to balk a little bit with some of the new and different directions I am interested taking the program. And that is OK too and not to be expected. I want them to feel fully able to express their concerns, and that I will fully listen and consider what they have to say. It's a good group, so I am lucky.

Leave for the west Coast tomorrow. Wow. Lots to do before I go...at work and at home. Will get a lot accomplished today. Looking forward to it. I like looking forward to what I do.

West Coast Training and...I Flirted!

An important training conference opportunity came to my attention, and I had to take it (my school agreed), so this weekend, I'm traveling to the West Coast! Sweat. I'm excited about the training experience in itself, but also for the travel...did I mention to the West Coast! And, again, the autonomy...I can basically do what I want, and it's my (sizable) budget. Not that I am frivolous about it. It will definitely benefit our program and the college. But just that I can do that and not so much ask permission as simply inform the higher ups of my plan is new to me...and awesome (and sometimes intimidating that all the decisions are on me). But it's a trust I have earned, and feel honored they value and respect my judgement to make decisions as I see fit. And that trust serves to motivate me even more.

So West Coast here I come. Only been there once before, and it was great. And it's a very large coast (obviously), so I will get to experience a different part of the coast (I know...vague...sorry).

Ex was cool in supporting the trip and adjusting our schedule. I do it for her training conferences as well--we are pretty good like that. It benefits our careers and thus, by extension, our boys.

Should finalize the plans today.

On a semi-related note, I needed a hair cut and wanted to look good for the trip. I happened to have the same stylist who cut my hair prior to my interview. And she remembered me and the interview. And she is cute as hell. And we just had this really fun time talking and laughing (and dare I say flirting?). Felt natural to bounce corny jokes and quips off each other and talk about our lives. And did I mentioned she's really cute and single I (think). Soooo...I decide to pursue it further in what I thought was a pretty slick way (for me anyway). She seemed flattered and interested (I think). Not sure if anything will come of it. I hope so, but no expectations. In any case, it was just a fun experience, and for that, I am glad. And if something further doesn't work out, I may have gained a new friend. We'll see. I have another slick move (move?) planned that should make her happy. And the thought of that makes me happy...no strings attached.

Morning Routine Project

I at least woke up earlier and better today, but I did not make the best use of my time in the morning. I am working on improving my morning routine to be more time efficient and generally less hectic. I also want time to relax for a bit, sip coffee, and write. And also squeeze in a quick workout: stretching push-ups and sit-ups. Perhaps too ambitious.

The success of the morning routine also entails proper prep at night and on the weekends. Having my clothes ready, breakfast, lunch, etc. I would like to be intentional and create a checklist to help automate the project and make it a habit.

My cell phone has also been a barrier, and I have committed to not sleeping with it next to me, not using it as an alarm, and not checking emails or anything else until I get to work. I was more successful with that today...but not at successful as I would like (not even close). Although I AM writing. And that is something.

I am feeling pretty serious about getting back to creative writing. I have some really great in-progress (albeit semi-abandoned stories) I would like to get back to.

But my new job and my sons starting kindergarten has kinda changes everything. I have to look closer at my goals, priorities, and values.

But a lot here will be contingent upon a successful morning routine. This is a project I need to address ASAP.

Excites and nervous about work today. I already feel things are backed up a little. I can really go a long way toward getting more organized and feeling on top of things today...a crucial day in that regard. I have to stay focused.

Return of Narrative Psychology and My Initial Attempts to Employ GTD/EN/Asana With My Team

First off, apologies for my many typos. I kind of just write these off the cuff, and don't really revise or edit. This blog is more of a stream of consciousness, thought organizer tool for me. The public-ness of it adds an extra, I don't know, incentive to actually write something with at least a semblance of coherence. Even if no one is really reading this--which seems to be the case--writing for even an imaginary audience keeps my mind more focused, which is a little sad, considering the meanderings of my posts. I'm a long time journaler, but I have found my private journaling in recent years have become more sparce and very sporadic, like a collection of disjointed, random and short thought bursts. So, again, the blog somehow gets me to write more (despite my long hiatus from the Life Line). And it keeps my rants more cohesive. I explore and reflect on my thoughts more.

When I was on the hiatus and writing very little, I felt this sort of unorganized mind anxiety creep up on me. So I dabbled with going back to this blog in march (after stopping for a long time LAST August). But it was really my recent interview when I felt a need to really utilize the power of writing, the power of this Life Line blog. And I truly think it helped. So, it a public journal. I try to keep it clean :)

Speaking of keeping it clean, I did feel I censored myself yesterday. With the new promotion and how social media can ruin careers, especially maybe in academe, I felt inhibited, and I wasn't happy with what I wrote. But I wrote, and I always feel writing something is always better than not writing...at least for me.

To be far in regards to the hiatus, I was writing more. I was journaling on Evernote (I continue to experiement with ways to use EN), and I was working on a couple creative writing projects, which I hope to return to soon. Also, last year was another huge transition year for me. Moved to a new town, new job, and I bought a house. Those are really big life stressors. I also started teaching online again, and I get the majority of work done for my classes during the weekend. So finding a new balance was hard. Still working on that, really. That where Getting Things Done really came in as a must for me, and I'm glad I found it. It has helped a lot, and I still have not implemented it to it's full potential. It's an ongoing project...and one I like and feel good about when I get better. I am also looking for ways to employ a GTD workflow with my new staff and tools that will facilitate that. I don't want to introduce something herky jerky, but I am considering having the workgroup use download and use Evernote and possible a project management tool. Top contenders I am considering is Asana and Azendoo. Azendo is more EN compatible. But Asana has a much better and easier user interface.

Finally, my creative writing. I want to get back into it, I also am pretty sure I am going to pursue a Ph.D. There are some out there for working professionals in Higher Ed. I am interested in. But all these things take time, and I can be pretty bad at overextending myself. So I have to set limits and priorities. Sounds like a new project to tackle.

Man, my blogs are much more peppy and positive. Sappy even. Probably more boring from a readers perspective. Thinking and reading back on my initial Life Line posts, I was in a pretty dark place. Recently separated, on the verge of divorce. One of my areas of research expertise in grad school was about the therapeutic power of writing. There is a lot of theorists and empirical evidence that speaks for the efficacy of writing and narratives. A lesser known subfield within psychology, even; narrative psychology. One of my favorite comprehensive websites about the field still exits, I'm happy to say...though it looks like it hasn't been updated in, oh, 10 years or so. Time REALLY does fly. But the narrative psychology and therapy is very much alive and thriving. And my own experience with this blog really speaks further for the effectiveness of writing to help cope with tough life experiences and transitions. Life Line indeed. I had sort of forgotten about my former passion for narrative psychology, but that info, it seems, had always been banging around in head, urging me to create this blog and inspire what I named it, And, now, through writing, I have rediscovered this old passion. We shall not cease from our explorations...

How can narrative psych help me further? How can I bring it to my work group and my students?

The Extra Freedom and Pressure of Leadership and the Continual Pride and Grief of Parenting

First, official full week with my new position...responsible for a very large program. I have a staff! Just getting to know them, and I really like them and am enjoying my new role a lot. Tons of new challenges, some very new and a bit overwhelming, but I feel generally...up for the challenge. Eager to take the next step and learn new, cool things. Been doing the same line of work for a while, and it was getting...old. I really enjoy leadership roles. I found that out about myself in the military. I thrive in them. I like the extra mental stimulation, and I like being in control. I really do. Not sure what that says about me. Am I a control freak? I don't think so. But I really value autonomy and creativity and continual improvement. All things I have more free range to explore and implement, I, of course, report to people and am more accountable than ever, The stakes are higher, I could more easily hide away in my former roles. Just do my job and keep off the radar of prying eyes. So I will be more scrutinized. I am up for that as well. I'm pretty competitive, actually, so I like the extra pressure. The trick is to stay not only on top but ahead. And to innovate. That is where I can really thrive.

But this is another transition, so...stress, and I have to acknowledge and respect that. Life transitions are stressful man. But after life experiences like the military and divorce...I've become very well practiced in life transitions. And the more practice, the better and more comfortable you are with them...with anything really.

My boys also start kindergarten this week, which I am both happy and sad about. Especially happy to not pay day care expenses (or, at least, not nearly as much), But sad my boys are getting bigger so quickly...but also relieved. Conflicting emotions, really. Parenting is always hard, stressful, scary, frustrating...but also so awesome. My world centers around these little people. They bring me such intense happiness and love. The shadow of that is also there too. Fear. You want good things always for your kids, which can hinder them. I have to let go a bit. That's hard too. I feel like they were babies only yesterday. Breaks my heart. And that's parenting, Continual pride and grief. Every time they get older and reach a new milestone, I am so happy and proud of them. But I also mourn that age period I will never get back. Who they were just a year ago. They change and develop so much ans so quickly. All though the day care years, I was very cognizant of making sure to enjoy the moment and not wish too much for those crazy expensive years to be behind me. I think I did relatively well.

I would like to be more patient with them. That can be very hard too. I would say especially with twins, but all I know is twins; so no real comparison group.

Kind of a lazy day today. I needed it. Get back to it tomorrow, and prepare for the week to come.

New Job = Impostor Syndrome, Continual GTD/EN Refinement, and Leaning Team Project Management Skills

Mmmm...coffee and writing. Really, I need to find a way to make writing more of an everyday practice for me. I just...love it. But it also takes time and is work. But it is such a great thinking, organizing tool...and a way to clean out the mental gutter...free up mental RAM...and other metaphorical connections that I am not able to make right now (feel free to add your own).

One my mind...my new job and some of the massive responsibilities that now come with it. I feel intimidated. Worried I'll fuck it up. For all the criticizing I have done to my supervisors...now I am the go to person. All eye on me. And there are areas of I need to gain knowledge and skills for very quickly. It admittedly feels a bit overwhelming right now. But this is a pretty big life transition. I should treat it as such. I will not be allowed as much of a learning curve as I would in a more subordinate role...but I will be allowed a curve. But I have to project my competence at all times.

I do have experiences..I can attach unknowns to things I do know. I'm not going in totally blind...or I would have never qualifies for the job or been hired. They believe it me. I believe in myself.  Or else I did. The infamous impostor syndrome has been beating hard on my door. You fooled them, tricked them into thinking you are more qualified than you are. You marketed your skills and abilities well. Exaggerated them even, Wait until they find out the truth about you!

Leadership roles are a different beast. I have been in them before. None this significant or large since the Navy...and I did well. I liked the extra challenge even. But I have to succeed. I want to move to the next step, whatever that may be. I have to focus...and spend my time much more wisely, while also being loose, flexible, and present.

Remember to be you, genuine, not some notion of what I think a leader should be. That is the killer. Be me. I actually found a really awesome TED Talk video about the power and difficulty of allowing yourself to be...yourself. I like that kind of stuff.

I do need to make plans for the week and my first meeting with my new team this week. First impressions, and all that.

What do I want to say to them when I meet with them? I will make some kind of plan and expected outcome, Make it a project, even. Done...created a project, and now I can start brainstorming and organizing.

I feel...fortunate that during the end of 2014 and the first few months of 2015 I really buckled down on fine tuning a productivity system for myself, mostly centered around Getting Thins Done and Evernote. I played with Todosit for a while as well, but I went back to Evernote...I don't like having to check multiple tools...if I can do as much as possible with one tool...great. That is the power of Evernote (EN). But also why it can be so intimidated. It's customizability is awesome and a strenghts...but the wide-openness and lack of an inherent organizing stricture can be daunting. You have to like playing around with that sort of thing. I committed hard to GTD at the start of the year. It has been a continual tweaking process, and I learned the system and found the tools and process with the system that would work best for me. I am still figuring it out, but I have come a long way, and it has really helped me to juggle several really important project fairly recently. So I have moved beyond simple completion of tasks (although I still do that too)--and I have graduated to building contextual task from projects I am working. A really power tool that really helped...especially balancing personal and professional obligations.

Next is a more in depth project analysis, in terms of developing outcomes and values to guide actions. That will especially be important in my new role as director of student success. It also brings me back to the importance of writing and how writing will help me to be more successful. And i have this advantage in that I am good at writing, love it, and have always used it to clarify my thoughts and goals. This will be more structured and less free form, but, really, that is a good thing.

In my productivity system, I still have yet to implement a good weekly review system. That will be another key. But I keep moving closer.

I also need to expand to team project management...have started to do some research on that. I'm also playing with implementing some kind of GTD system with my team...and even the use of EN.

Leadership and Writing, Recommitting to Writing, State of the Divorce Summits, and Two Year Blog Anniversary

Jeez, sometimes the day goes by fast.

I have some time to write this morning, so write I shall. Day 2 or the new path in my career. Nothing has really changed because I haven't started yet and don't know the details of how getting started will happen. But mentally, internally, everything feels new, different, and exciting.

I love the opportunity to head up a program with a team of awesome people.

But this also sort of entails a re-evaluation of my life goals. This will take more thought and time than I plan to spend on this single blog post. But a recommitment to this blog and--yet again--to my writing HAS to be part of the equation.

I love writing, whether is will ever earn me more income or not. It's just a part of who I am, and when I let it slip...I start to slip. The seems seem to slowly unravel, and I don't notice until there is a giant tear that needs urgent attention and emergency repair. Then I write...and I remember how much I need to write...only to let it fall away again. The process has repeated for, what...twenty years now? I was young when I discovered how much I loved writing and how powerful a tool is it for me. And that I am somewhat good at it.

I have gotten jobs due to the power of my writing. And that's great too. And I would love to write something someday that people want to read and spend money on. That would be really cool. But that is not why I write, The title of the blog just sort of popped into my head, herky jerky. But it really does encapsulate why I write. It is my life line. It supports me, through the good and bad times. I suspect--know really--it is the same for so many others. of course there are a LOT of people who hate writing. Working in higher ed., this revelation is a no-brainer. But at one point it really was a revelation for me. How could everyone not love something that is clearly an amazing tool.

But we are all wired differently. But a part of me also feels given the right kind of instruction that disregards the critical factor, a lot more people would also see the power and utility in writing. That's why I saddened and perplexed cursive writing is no longer being taught. I think that's a huge mistake. Some of my best thinking and brainstorming has come from thinking on the page. And the speed cursive allows is crucial to that process...or else my writing would not be able to catch up with my thoughts, and I would loose some of those thoughts and the effectiveness of writing as a way to think through complex issues, to bring the disparate parts of my life together into what at least feels like...narrative coherence. OK, that is an overly academic-jargony phrase, but it is the best phrase to describe it I can think of right now.

So...I still have a good deal of work do do here at home...both work work and house work (I'm still learning how to be a home-owner...and I've also been putting feelers out for a home upgrade--never meant for this to be THE house...just a foot in the door to build equity, credit, and buy something better for my boys and me).

Some other interesting tidbits...I met with my ex last night for a couple drinks to talk about our boys and what I can only describe as a "state of our divorce" summit. Like the first one we had a couple months ago or so, it was a really good talk, and a really great practice for divorce parents with kids. We even had a good time I would say. The first one was heavily emotional...but necessary. We needed to clean out the gutters, so to speak, to better open up communication and start to trust each other again. This second one had some emotional moments as well. Still a lot of hurt there for both of us...but it is really good we can have these talks. I feel so good about them. When it comes down to it, we get along and dare I say we like each other...as people. We respect each other. The danger for me, anyway, is getting to wrapped up in that. I was reminded why we fell in love, as we talked about our boys, our loves, so many things...even laughed some. That is dangerous territory. But I do want us to cultivate a healthy divorce relationship for our boys, Be friends even...if possible. I would like to do things together as a family. I think that step will still take time though...if it is ever even possible.

And finally, I have realized the TWO year anniversary for the Life Line has come and gone. Wow. I remember when I first started this blog. Two years already. That went by fast. But a lot has happened and changes in that time. Good things too. Here's to many more!

My blog producitity has greatly decreased. But I did kinds decide to quit...but I changed my mind, I guess. So until I decide to quite again...Viva la Life Line!

Holy Crap...I Got the Job!

I thought my interview kinda sucked, but I'm told I'm an excellent interviewer; so I was hoping even a sucky interview would come across as...good, coupled with the excellent work and reputation I've been building.

It wasn't a bad interview...just not good. And I was extremely worried I blew it...whereas if I did well, I felt the job was mine, hands down.

But only mere days after the interview, I heard the news: I fucking got it!

Shit, shit, shit, fuck, shit...yes!

So I am extremely excited and happy to be taking this next step in my career...but also starting to become a little nervous as the reality of new responsibilities creep in. I will be running a program very crucial to the success of the college. I like the challenge, want the challenge, and feel confident I will do well. But it is all on me, and not to admit that is intimidating is, really, a failure on my part.

But...wow. Too bad I have a lot of work to catch up on for the online course I teach this weekend. Would be great to just chill and bask in all the work I put into getting this position. So much I have been doing for years,  been working to build up to...and really sort of rebuild my life after a couple really hard life blows and set backs. I am getting back on track. I feel proud of where I am for the first time in a very, VERY long time.

Sadly and pathetically, I have no one to really celebrate my news with. Family, yes, of course. They are proud and supportive, happy for me, yadda yadda. And I am grateful for that. But I haven't really made much progress in establishing strong friendships here in this town. Been here almost a year now (8/16 I think will be the year mark). But it is true what they say about the difficulty for adults making friends in a new town. Very easy as a college student. And while I do want friends...and a girl in my life...that has not been my priority and focus. I mean, I go out with people on occasion. I have work friends...long distance, old school friends. But my priority since the move has been my job and my boys...and that has paid off. I am establishing relationships that can blossom into something...more. But I am not an extrovert or socialite. My job is very socially orientated, and as an introvert, while I love helping people, that kind of work can be very draining for me, and I need down time, alone time, to recharge.

So I should give my self a break. I take it back...it is not pathetic. It is just where my life is now...socially. Focus on the fucking good news. I practically hugged my boss.

So what's next? Not sure. I need to start making some plans, quickly. I will have a team I am responsible for now, and I want to start off right and set a positive tone and foundation for our new work group build off of.

All good things, There will be obstacles, and problems, and stressors, and even set backs. But that is part of the game.

I have to say, and this is kind of weird to say, I am very proud of myself. The seperation and then divorce was very hard on so many levels. But I persevered through it...and eve excelled professionally through it during some personally dark times....depressing even. Very lonely. My family is far. I have had to rebuild a whole support group for my boys and me. And I did, and I am.

This is just the beginning. But we keep moving...we keep moving.

Interviews...Interviews Everywhere!

My big promotion, next big step in my career interview (no pressure or anything) is today...mere hours away. I do like taking time, while I can, to write a little before an interview and collect my thoughts. I'm a little nervous, but I still have time to cultivate my inner Neo.

I went back and read a few of my previous pre-interview posts, and a couple things came to mind as i read. 1) I have interviewed a lot, and 2) I've actually posted some pretty good interview advice.

One bit of my own wisdom I really liked--so much I am about to quote myself--was about allowing the interview to be fun and to turn it into a conversation, rather than an interrogation:

"Why not have fun? Maintain professionalism, of course, but enjoy the experience. This transmits confidence, competence, and a passion for what you are doing. The hiring committee is hiring a colleague...someone they will be spending a lot of time with. They want to hire someone who they will enjoy working with...someone who will contribute to a positive and fun working environment."

And also:

"...allowing the interview to become a conversation instead of an interrogation. They best interviews I've been involved with, on both sides of the interview table, have been the ones where people start to relax and talk with, not to or at, the interviewee."

I also talked about believing in my own awesomeness. I like the general notion of skewing reality in my favor because, who else will if not me?

And then my final bit of advice to myself is about...being myself:

"In the end I will present myself as myself. I will know I am good at what I do. They will either feel who I am fits their social environment and what they are looking for in a candidate...or they will not."

So I dipped into past wisdom, and now I am at a point where I would I feel I need to add to that wisdom. This one is from the book The Charisma Myth. Good stuff. I fully believe I've had successful interviews that have resulted in job offers due to the information in that book. I have listened to it via audiobook several times.

This particular kernel of wisdom from the book is about fully believing that you are perfect in how you are now. All your mistakes and areas of weaknesses are...perfect. You are forgiven for everything that your inner self-critic keeps beating you down about. Every past sin is forgiven, and you are completely perfect and whole in this moment.

Or something like that. I kinda hacked it, but I love the idea--and I will listen to that mantra again as part of my prep process.

And in that same Zen-like spirit, I would like to share an important guided mediation video with you. So sit back, close you eyes, and let all that fucking bullshit fade away.

I AM the One Metaphor: Pre-Interview Prep Motivation

It still gets to me...this feeling of what I can only describe as some kind of depressive state when my boys are with their mother. I am not unhappy they are with their mother. I promote it and think it very important for them to spend time with her. But selfishly, I miss my little knuckleheads terribly. I miss not being able to be there for every milestone. Their grandma got them their first big boy bikes yesterday, and it made me sad. I find out from posted Facebook pictures. They were so happy to ride their new bikes, and that of course makes me happy. And I am grateful they have a such a wonderful grandmother who does so many things for them. I just...wish I could have been there...been a part of that experience.

And then there is an odd flip side...I also need to time off. To get my house in order, to work on my second, part-time job (teaching online classes), and, as an introvert, to re-charge, write, etc. Time to myself is a big thing for me. But I miss my boys.

And sometimes I still miss my ex, as ridiculous and pathetic as that is. For her, our marriage was a "lie," or whatever. But it was my reality. I miss who I thought we were, and mourn the loss of the person I thought was my life partner and best friend, as well as having a "whole" family. As a child of divorce myself, I always secretly fantasized my parents would get back together. Now that fantasy has sort of been resurrected. I want my family back.

But the reality is different. Even if she were to beg forgiveness and express a desire to get back together, I don't know if I could do that. Too much said and done, Too much damage and trust lost. But I probably would...for my boys. But it would be extremely...awkward,

And as more time pass, as this new reality becomes the norm, that time when we were a "whole" family feels more...abstract.

I don't know...I just miss my boys. And now we me be diving back into custody conflict issues. Issues that had been legally settled. It is making it hard for me to focus on this interview on Saturday.

I actually did a good deal yesterday to get ready, But I feel time is getting short, and I am now feeling that nervousness I mentioned yesterday.

Time to jump back and get back to the prepping.,,and also somehow prep my online class for the week.

Time. Never enough, and it goes by too fast.

I need to work on my mental state and get out of this funk. Time to start being also and channel my inner Neo. That clip always pumps me up for interviews,

For me, it represents self-mastery, self-confidence, and the realization that I am the One...that all I already have and know all I need to meet challenges...I just need to believe it...or better..to know it.

Cultivating Genuineness, Upcoming Interview (yet again), and a Random Political Rant About Vacations

Got back from our vacation earlier in the week. It was such a fantastic experience for my boys, and I had a great AND relaxing time. First vacation in I don't even know how long. I definitely feel re-energized. I now better understand the value of vacation time and actually using vacation time for...vacations (as a single parent of twins, I often have to use vacation time to cover my kids sick days). It's a shame there is a movement underway to undermine that, to eliminate vacation time for the working class and sort or re-frame time off as yet another example of the lazy, mooching, socialist class. What assholes. Self-serving bullshit. Fuck them and their aristocrat overlords.

End semi-political rant.

My interview has finally been scheduled! Early this week! Spending the weekend prepping. Excited and nervous, but mostly excited right now. I'm sure the nervousness will kick in more later. But I have become a pretty good interviewer. I just have to re-tap into those skills I haven't used for about a year, as well as the mindset. I'm getting there. Been working up to it since I applied. Now I am going to ramp it up. Besides practice and rehearsing responses, one of the best things to do on an interview is to be...yourself. And to believe in yourself. Tailor your interview to your audience, of course, just like an argument (and an interview really is an argument you're crafting to convince others why you are the best fit for the position), but you also have to be you...that draws people in more, in a lot of ways, that what you actually say. The committee will either like me and feel I am a good fit or they won't. That I cannot control. So you have to focus on the things you can control and let go and even forget about the rest.

Sounds easy, but it's not. It's a skill to hone and cultivate.

Developing my strengths and "weaknesses", other general responses, and whatnot I plan to discuss now. Ultimately, I feel pretty confident I will get the position. But that is a danger too. I don't want to be overly confident, and I don't want to slack on preparation. So I am working to stay mindful of that as well.

Mind Kipple, Promotions, and Road Trips

I have fallen off the writing horse again, and I wanted to start a new month, and the midway point of the year, getting back on. And there is something about posting mind kipple on a blog that makes it more...real...in a sense.

Not much time to write, but devoting a little is better than none, and I want to get back to committing to doing so on a daily basis.

Lots if things going on right now.

Yest ANOTHER interview on the horizon. But this time at my current place of employment. A promotion, Director of Something or Other, Important Higher Education Stuff (*note; not the actual title of the position). I don't mean to underplay it. It's an amazing opportunity and excellent fit for my growing expertise, skills, and experiences...that could lead to bigger next steps.

I'm told by multiple sources, including those in positions of power, that I am a top--perhaps THE top--candidate.

I have not yet been called in for an interview, much less been offered the position. But the buzz is I should be getting that call soon, Looks like early next week. Excited and nervous, all the usual pre-interview emotions. Meanwhile, life goes on,

In other big news, I am leaving for a vacation today. I don't even remember that last time I went on a vacation, other than to take vacation days for holidays, which is not the same thing at all. My boys and I are driving to the Florida area. My mom retired down there with her hubsnad, and they have a place close to the beach.

My boys are super excited. But it will be a looooong road trip. By far the longest for them. But I put a lot of thought at planning into making it a fun experience for them as well.

Lots of last minute things still to do before I go, so time to stop wasting time blogging,

But I wrote today! That always feels good.

Toddler Existential Crisis: Agnostic Parenting and the Lack of Community Support

My boys are experiencing an increased awareness and even a sort of...fascination (for lack of a better term) with the concept of death. That they know and understand death is surprising to me, but it shouldn't be. Even though I was raised on violent, militaristic cartoons, like GI Joe and Transformers (I still love those old school versions, FYI), I have steered clear of that kind of programming for my boys. And yet, death is prevalent in these "less violent" cartoons as well. Hello, Disney. I'm not upset or angry about it. Death is a natural part of life, and Disney stories, despite their "evil corporate agenda" are consistently fantastic...sans Frozen--I thought that story kinda sucked, especially compared to other Disney movies, but my boys and apparently the whole world love it. (That being said, popularity is a poor gauge for quality, as Fox News has thoroughly demonstrated.)

Politics aside, my boys are interested in death and, as to be expected, afraid of it. Hence, their existential crisis. Perhaps their first? (I have to brush up on my Yalom.) We are not a religious family, although I had them baptized in faith of my ethnic heritage. We also attend church on occasion. They are aware of the concept of heaven and harp playing bliss promised in the afterlife, pending the stamp of approval for professing your undying devotion to the oddly insecure and paranoid polytheistic creators.

I am agnostic, and while I can't say for sure if there are any higher, godlike beings, if there are, they are not like anything professed in in the currently popular guides to the afterlife. I don't know what happens after death, and I really would be thrilled to learn we have everlasting souls; and we get to spend eternity strumming harps with our loved ones, if we don't get on the naughty list.

But as I said, I am a nonbeliever, and my boys are curious about life after death. What is an agnostic to tell them? How do I help them through existential crises? How do I instill spirituality without the support of society for my views?

One of their biggest fears about death is separation anxiety. Heaven or whatever would be fine...if daddy is there with them too. Extremely sweat. Bless their precious hearts and souls (everlasting or otherwise).

I am not currently satisfied with the lack of answers I currently have for them. I want them to develop their own religious identities, but they also need some kind of foundation to build that identity from.

Research is key hear. Time to hit the books...and the Google.

The Toilet Seat Political Critic

My boys are eating breakfast and watching cartoons. Good times. With my reprieve in never-ending toddler servitude, I've retreated to the bathroom to take of bathroom business and get some writing done. It's the only place, sometimes, I can get some peace and collect my thoughts. I'm a multi-shitting tasker.

Anyway, election crazy season is on us, and I might explore politics on the Life Line. I have my biases, of course (anyone who doesn't believe they do are assholes), but along with exploring views I agree with, I really want to explore the craziness of the "other" side. Both sides call the other crazy, and the name calling is meaningless.

I'd like both to be more critical, instead of being stuck in a position to defend their side because it's their side.

Good Morning World...Now Go Away!

I have been tired for long time. Although to be fair, I am on an antibiotic right now, so maybe (hopefully) this cold is a factor.

But I think I'm in really bad shape. I haven't really put in weight, but I think I may have put on some fat.

In any case, waking up in the mornings has been tough for a while. My motivation in general recently sucks. I wonder if I'm depressed, and if so, how do I get out of this funk? I can't help think getting moving more is key.

I just want to roll back over and fall back to sleep.

This house...my home...I kinda hate it, and I miss my old town home. Why does the past always seem better than the present?

A New Truth: I Like and Miss This Stupid Blog

There it is. I like having this forum, this excuse to write about whatever.

I'm reviving the Lifeline.