To Boldly Go Where...I Have Never Gone Before: Fear and Self-Care

My boys are down for their afternoon nap. We had a fun morning. I have to get creative for fun, interesting, and inexpensive activities to keep them occupied and their minds and bodies sharp and challenged. That, I would say, is a big part of parenting.

I take them to their mother tomorrow. They will be there for the week (an unusual occurrence), and I will of course miss them like crazy, as always.

Foremost of my mind, however, is my upcoming interviews (TWO next week)...fast approaching. I have been doing some prep work, but I will start doing so much more hardcore tomorrow.

There are also still a few more jobs I want to apply to.

My mind has been wrestling with the fear of leaving my current position, place of residence, resources I have become familiar with, friends I have made, and people I feel comfortable with, etc. But I wouldn't be doing this if the time and energy wasn't worth it. But still...fear of the unknown and unfamiliar and all that.

Then there is also the prospect of affording a move without breaking my bank, and I desperately do not want to rely on credit and undo all the debt I have paid down this year. I will have to get creative with that too.

I want, more than anything, to provide a good life for my boys. And I want something for myself as well. I have sacrificed my personal needs this past year for my boys, necessarily so perhaps during a very difficult transition for all of us. But I can't keep doing that to myself. I can best be there for my boys by taking better care of myself and my needs...sometimes, though, I just don't know how...

My boys are up now, sitting with me as I type, still a little groggy from their nap. Those smiling faces are precious. I will figure out how for them.