Cultivating Time to Write...and Self-Care

I had trouble sleeping this morning. No real reason. Just happens sometimes. I did make good use of the extra time, however.

I am STILL getting my house together, post-separation-from-my-wife move. It's hard to get anything done when I have to take care of my boys after work. Although, I can usually sneak in some things here and there. I used the extra time this morning to complete a sort of big "organization project"—one I could not have gotten done while my boys were awake.

It seems reasonable to infer, then, that fitting in writing whenever I can create/find the time IS possible, even when I am super busy.

In fact, in some ways, I get more done when I am busier. During the weeks the boys aren't with me, I laze around MUCH more. Excessively even. Because I can.

Time I could put to better use.

That is not to say every minute of every day has to be filled with work, writing, taking care of kids, projects of some kind, etc., etc.

Hell no.

Self-time (a.k.a. self-care) is uber-important. So along with everything else, I have to somehow create/make time for that as well. Otherwise, I'll get burnt out, probably sick, and, ultimately, less done—which means less writing.

Binging and excess, no matter the type, seems to always result in some kind of negative consequence.

Finding that balance is key, says Captain Most-obvious-advice-ever. But it really is. And it's a continual work in progress, a continual and intentional habit to cultivate every day.

Finding the balance and time to write that works best for me won't happen on it's own. And there will never be a perfect time in some better future when I'll have more time to devote to writing. I have to change to a mindset in which I perceive of the perfect time as now.

I'm, again obviously, still trying to find my own balance and figure out how this will work. Right now, I just do not know.

And knowing is half the battle.

The Life and Death of Story Ideas

My writing output yesterday, other than my short blog post, consisted of a few texts and goodreads status updates (I love goodreads, by the way).

My boys and work kept me very busy of course. When I did have a little time to myself, I was brainstorming possible, new story ideas. I was in that about-to-fall-asleep state, so I remember feeling like I had a good idea. But if I did, I have no recollection of it.

I still have some boxes to unpack, and a lot of stuff that is unpacked is not exactly organized. Being unorganized makes it feel hard to rework/revise some older stories. I need a more refined process for stories in progress.

When I get a story and/or character ideas, I run with them. I type my ideas out, I write parts freehand, and I may even record passages on my phone. But there comes a point where the story is a jumbled mess of crap, be it good or bad. At this point, I need to generate some kind of outline..or something (really not sure what I need at this point). This is where I often feel discourages and get stuck. It is not as exciting or fun. But I have to do a better job of pushing through.

I also allow my lack of an organized method prevent me from moving forward. So I let the story sit. And it dies a slow death.

I'm hoping resurrection, in some form or another, is possible.

How to Be a Writing Superhero

I have my boys back with me this week, so I will be very busy just juggling them, my job, and preschool stuff. Plus, they both are fighting off minor colds (that I am hoping do not balloon into more serious colds).

AND my mom and step-father are coming to visit later in the week for a few days, so I don't want the house to look like a tornado thought it would be funny to hit-and-run my personal living space.

As the week starts, I have no idea how I will find time to get my blog posts in. How do people get their starts as writers while also working full-time AND taking care of a family? But that is exactly what Stephen King (one of my writing heroes) J.K. Rowling (also one of my heroes), and many others, did and do.

Current plan: short posts during my lunch breaks. My posts this week will not get much longer than this.

At the end of this week, I will explore how my plan went as a sort of weekly re-cap/debrief....probably

I will have to be a like a fucking writing superhero...or something.

State of the Blog: Week Two: Monkey Mind

Two weeks and counting, and I wanted to take a moment or two (or three) to reflect on what I have been doing here, why, and where I hope this goes.

Mostly, I wanted to get back to making writing a daily practice in my life. An aspect of myself I have neglected for much too long. And, for some reason, committing to this blog is helping me to do that.

So, above all else, Writing as a Life Line is extended writing practice.

And this bring me to a problem I have had with this page so far. I tend to get carried away with things, and I have done so with this blog. I am not blogging for the sake of blogging. I am blogging for the sale of writing. And what I would really like writing fiction. Stories. I, too, want to be a paperback writer. An admittedly silly dream, but there it is.

So this is a start for that. This blog allows me to journal and get through all that Monkey Mind detritus, as Natalie Goldberg referred to it, so I can get to the "real" kind of creative writing I am am most passionate about, be it fiction, creative non-fiction, or some blend of the two. And preferably for publication...eventually. I want to work to develop my craft.

But I have been too involved in this blog. I spend waaaaay to much time with it. I've even monetized it now. I check often to see how many people have viewed my page. I check to see if I am earning money. I will continue to fiddle with linkbucks, but I'm annoyed with the redirecting of links; and so I imagine the few who read this are as well. Although I have seen the most traffic to this site yesterday by far. Not sure if that is a result of linkbucks. I don't even know if the views are from real people or those internet robot programs...whatever the fuck they are called.

Today's post is linkbuck-free. I felt it fitting for my Two-Week, State of the Blog Address. Also, I am using a smaller font. I was worried the smaller, default font might be too hard to read for some. I'd be interested in feedback in that.

But back to my point, spending too much time on the blog has the potential to become a thing in it self, which is not what I want. It can become--in ways it already has become—another avoidance tactic for developing my stories.

Writing is my lifeline, and I am very happy to get back to it. But it has always been my dream to write for a living. In a sense I do. I write a lot for my job. But I hate the kind of writing I do at work. It is so blah and unsatisfying.

It is important for me to continually remind myself this blog is a means to an end. Not the thing itself.

I don't quote feel organized enough yet or ready enough to jump back into my stories. And maybe that mindset is what contributes to me continuing to put it off. The expectation that I will be ready sometime later, sometime that is now now. I can keep making excuses like that for another 10, 15 years,

But I am writing. On a daily, consistent basis. I can do the same with my stories. Allot specific time every day to my stories. Keep moving forward. That will probably have to mean these blog posts will become much shorter, since I only have so much time to devote to writing.

But for now, this is my outlet. My writing practice. My Monkey Mind enema.

Leaving soon to pick up my boys. This is my week with them. We are all—including my wife—going to have a nice lunch together. Maybe go to the park. It is good for the boys for us to spend time together as a family. My wife and I have been getting along pretty lately. Which is good. However, the paranoid me is suspicions. Divorce is weird like that.

I'm a monkey.

I Am the Typo King—I Can Do Anything!

It's Saturday morning, I have my coffee, my laptop, my fingers in position on the keyboard, and I am ready to typo.

That's right, ready to typo. I say that because I think it's time to embrace my typo-prone-ness. I try to be careful. But I always, ALWAYS find some typo-error that I missed. I seem to be unable to not include at least one typo regardless of what I am working on. And I do a lot of writing for my job because, well, I am a decent writer (or so I like to tell myself). The typo-thing even became an issue with my supervisor. An issue I resolved quickly by starting my work-related writing projects much, MUCH earlier, so I have multiple occasions to go over my drafts before I submit/circulate/publish them.

I was able to get away with typos in college because, in general, my professors gave way more precedence to my content, which, in ways, reinforced my use of typos. Why scrutinize or make changes if I am always getting A's?

But for these blogs—and the goal I set for myself of one per day—it's a challenge just to keep up. So sometimes I just have to churn it out and publish before the day ends. Which, for me, is a fertile recipe for the proliferation of typos.

A big part of my typo-proclivity is my typing, as I have mentioned before. I so wish I cared more in my high school typing class.

(I guess I could say the same for all my high school classes in general—ironic for someone who works in higher education, I know. But actually, it was because of my early academic troubles that I am pretty good at what I do now. I am in a better position to understand and help struggling students.)

I never learned to type properly. I often have to look at the keyboard to type, which results in a lot of typos. I catch a lot. But, obviously, I miss a lot too.

I don't have a solution for now. I just want to claim ownership for my mistakes, instead of trying to avoid and deny them. Ownership lead to awareness. Awareness leads to increased control over your wiring process. Control over your writing process leads to...suffering. Sorry, couldn't resist including terrible Yoda advice from the Star Wars prequels.

As a wise and popular sailor once said, I am what I am and that's all that I am.

Blog Padawan: I Want to Link-Buck the Shit Out of You

(***8/4/13 UPDATE: I removed all the linkbuck links from this blog. Came to really hate them.***)

Before I jump into today's topic, I would like to thank the lone person who commented on one of my blog posts yesterday...Metro Man Style: Thank you random blog reader!

Speaking of Megamind, I just saw the movie tonight, and I cannot believe how long it took me to see it. Loved it. And an amazing cast! Go rent it right now! You may be able to find it for free in the kiddies section of Family Video. And, yes, if you have not figured it out yet, I am a total geek. But thanks to the likes of Simon Pegg and Kevin Smith, geek-hood is now cool...kinda. 

Wear YOUR geek badge proudly!

So, I am continuing with the writing-blogging thing everyday, so far, and I continue to look for ways to get better at it and...shamelessly, maybe make some extra money on the side—without being a total sell-out (I am O.K. with partial sell-out, however).

I found this service, Linkbucks.com, that actual pays you for the links you include on your page. I include links all the time anyway, so it sounded like an interesting experiment (a.k.a., constroyment) to play around with. Ergo, I am now in the process of "link-bucking"—did I just create a new word?—my blog links. 

(As it turns out, someone beat me to the link-bucking punch. Although, I would argue heavily in favor of the hyphenated usage for the word and not the un-hyphenated linkbucking. And, no, I have not missed the meta-irony that people who click on the link-bucking link will in turn be link-bucked.)

What link-bucking means, is that every time a reader clicks on a link, she or he will be routed to an advertisement before proceeding to the intended link that I, er, linked to. The reader also has to click on the "Skip This Ad" button, located on the upper right hand corner of the ad, to proceed to the intended link target.

A minor inconvenience, in the grand scheme of things. Yet, I worry I may be crossing too for into that sell-out threshold. I also wonder if I am pulling the reader out of the "flow" of my post.

If any more random blog-readers care to share their thoughts on how annoyed they are with the Linkbucks thing, I would be interested in your feedback. 

Live long and prosper, fellow geeks of the world. And click many, many of my links, if you would be so kind. 

Cover Letter Writing Follow-Up: Practice Man, Practice

Still putting my new home together after the marriage-separation move. Spent most of the night on a computer wiring project, so I can use my desktop in a room without an ether net connection (the PC isn't wireless capable...it's a little on the old side, but it still works well). My boys like playing with the computer, so I wanted to have it set up for them when I get them back Sunday. I plan to have this place even more in shape by then.

So, I am getting to today's blog post late, and I'm tired; and I have work tomorrow. Wish I had a night job. Never been a morning person. But especially with kids, I have no choice but to be a morning person. 

I heard back from one of the new jobs I wrote cover letters and vitas for. Not my favorite of the two, but it may turn out to be the better fit for me for a number of reasons. I will probably get the interview. I may even get the job, which is a bit, well, scary. New town. Step forward on the career path in a new position with people I don't know. Moving, again, to a new city (but it's a nicer and bigger city, which is also a better fit for me).

I could even commute until my current lease expires, but then I'd want to live close to my workplace, as I do now (short commutes rule!). And this could be THE career-job I've been working toward, so maybe I will just a buy a home...finally. 

All speculation at this point, of course. If it was just me, no worries at all. But with kids and a divorce on the horizon, there is uncertainty involved in everything I do. It's like my freedom's been reduced by like 90%.

In any case, I also want to point out that I really am awesome at cover letters and vitas, as I mentioned before. Interviews are another story. I'm pretty hit or miss with those. I'm hoping to increase my interview "hit" performance. Practice, man. Practice. Just like anything else. 

So this post is pretty scattered. Talk about lack of focus. But people continue to at least view my blog. No idea if anyone reads it. I never get feedback or comments. I have surpassed the 500 total views mark. And only four days ago I had not even reached 300. My page views seem to be growing exponentially. I had 81 alone yesterday. My previous highest page views for one day was 68 on both the 14th (my first blog) and the 20th (where I discussed missing my boys and getting back to following my passion).

We will see what tomorrow brings. 

Since I neglected to cuss in this post, I feel I must provide a substitute, via video clip, that should more than make up for my transgressions. 

Road to Divorce Chronicles: How Not to Text Your Ex

Blog writer's log: 

I have rambled on and on aimlessly with this blog. It remains directionless. But now I feel I need a direction, a main purpose for this blog. A mission statement, if you will. 

Really, I write about writing and how it supports life. The "mission" lies somewhere within that domain. And yet, I need a tighter and more focused blogging agenda. How does writing serve as my lifeline? And what can I say on a daily basis that will engage readers? Keep them interested.

It seems I write about writing and divorce mostly. 

Does doing both split the focus for this blog? Maybe I need more than one blog, and each will have it's own purpose. In that way, I can post every day, but I can explore different topics specific to the purpose of each blog, 

Yesterday, for example, I wrote about how I really could not stand my separated wife within a post that was about something else entirely. The bit about my wife was a relatively unimportant aside. 

I want to follow up on that now, though, because writing was involved. 

We had a sort of text argument. We do most of our communicating via text these days, despite that I kind of fucking hate texting. It can be a handy tool, but it has taken over how people communicate, in ways. That being said, I would guess more people are writing now more than ever because of texting, even if it is with those awful text-speak abbreviations, verbal short cuts, and acronyms. It's still writing.

Anyway, I sent my wife an apology text first thing this morning. I was snippy and rude last night. I don't hate her. I don't know if I can say I still love her, but she didn't deserve my attitude yesterday. Furthermore, it's not productive for us or our boys. Sometimes it is hard, but I have to make efforts to ensure we communicate well. 

She appreciated the apology, and I felt good that I did it. She mentioned she felt we could be friends, maybe. I don't know about that. Possibly someday. I do have a lot of contempt for her. 

But really, if I am honest, I wish we could get back together. Even after all the crap of this...ordeal. For my boys mostly. I came from a broken home, and I hate the idea of putting them through that (although I am already a million times of a better father than mine ever was). 

For my boys, I would make amends with my wife and stay married and live together again. I am pretty sure that will never happen. And I am by no means a puppy dog pining for her to take me back. Fuck that. She made her choice, and I am moving on. But for my boys, if she ever expressed interest in reconciling, I would make a really hard effort to bring our family back together and under the same roof. 

So, for my boys...I will work to cultivate a friendship of sorts with my someday ex-wife. 

Now, if only I could just come to trust her again and not feel she is full of shit most of the time. 

Zen and the Art of Cover Letter Writing

Image Source

Sitting down with a beer, Fight Club on pause, and writing today's blog. 

I'm not sure exactly where to go with this post. No real plan, but I feel too lazy and uninspired to go back to one of my older, partially completed blogs. Maybe that is part of my process too. The spontaneity of writing whatever comes to mind in the moment...in the moment. Diving into an idea when it is fresh and new and interesting. Could explain my unfinished Master's thesis, which I was so absolutely excited for...once upon a time. (*tangent: I sometimes worry I used too many ellipses, dashes, and parentheses.)

I feel totally bored with my thesis now, though. Too much time has passed. It is old hat, even if it is a good idea—which I have serious doubts about. But, a mentor once told me that the best theses are finished theses. So I will get back to it and finish it. Who knows, maybe getting my hands dirty with it again will reignite that spark, like an ex you run into again after being separated for a while and then find there is something still there. (That was in no way related to my relationship with my separated wife. I really, really do not fucking like her today. Always some kind of stupid spat about something. And we are forced to keep talking to each other because of our boys. At least we both have their best interests at heart.) 

I've been doing another kind of writing this past week, in addition to blogging and other writing I do for my job. 

Cover letter and curriculum vita writing. 

I sent out two this past week. I am awesome at them. Especially cover letters. But they are tedious. Not fun at all. So much time spent on a two-page document. But still, I should start a resume/vitae business or something. That's how awesome I am.

I like my current job well enough. But this "life transition" I'm going through has inevitably led to me re-evaluate...just about everything. Plus, I worry about the stability of my current position. 

And I REALLY like and want one of the jobs I wrote a  cover letter for. Yet, if I actually got that job, it may cause issues with my eventual divorce and also potentially with custody-related shit. That scares the crap out of me.

But the job is a really great opportunity. I have to at least explore it. 

So is this blog about cover letters and vita? Sure, why not. To write a good one, do your homework and be sure to revise and edit the shit out of it. Make it your best piece of writing ever—whatever that means for you. And do whatever you have to do to make your best writing happen. While you are writing it, the cover letter is your career. Worry about what comes after, after.

That is kind of interesting advice that can apply to a lot of things. Sort like a practice in mindfulness. 

The Zen of Cover Letter Writing. And so I now have a title for this blog. 

Or so I thought. There is actually already blog post out there with that same title: The Zen of Cover Letter Writing.

Well, fuck. I really like that title. Should I still use it? The other blog is basically little more than a link to an article about cover letters.  

And I found this picture I want to use to go along with the zen/cover letter writing thing (source). Tell me the lotus-stance-frog isn't awesome. 

(Of course, if you are reading this, you have already seen the picture and know the title of this post...but from my perspective of writing right now, the ideas sprang from each previous idea. Totally meta.)

(*Yet another tangent: I need to look up how to cite sources on blog posts.)

So to bring this all together, when you are writing a cover letter, write it when you are in a state of peak interest about the new job posting you found. If you wait, the excitement will dissipate, and the cover letter will morph into a chore. And don't write about writing cover letters. Despite the meta-ness of doing so, what you are really doing is wasting time.

And waste is a thief.

As for the repeatedly referenced, still non-existent, promised f-bomb post, it has now become sort of a running joke. (Even if I am the only one who finds it funny.)

Hitting the Wall

And so, not a day after rejoicing about my one week blogging anniversary achievement...I have hit the wall. 

I just do not feel like writing. I am sick of this blog, and I want to go to bed. 

To be fair, I was up late....tweaking my blog (anyone notice the redesign?), and I had general troubles falling sleep because, as you may have guessed from many of my previous posts, I miss my boys. A lot. 

I did start another blog—a "professional" one for work. Should be an interesting way to engage and interact with students, network with others in my field  and hopefully, become more broadly recognized for the "day job."

I have also considered applying to a weekly, paying blog that also deals with my work in higher ed. I could use the extra money. I would be able to write and improve my blogging skills. And, again, gain more recognition in my field. 

Those blogs would, of course, be more clean, clear, focused, and professional than this one. This is my fucking around, free form blog, where I can say things like "I'm fucking tired and want to go to fucking sleep" without fear of reproach. 

Speaking of f-bombs, I pinky-fucking-promise to finish that blog about swearing soon.....ish. 

To celebrate my wall-hitting state (not my first and guaranteed not to be my last), I leave you will wall-hitting themed video clip. 

Enjoy. (And may god have mercy on your soul.)

Happy One Week Anniversary

I was sitting in the same spot on my couch, drinking from the same coffee mug, and missing my sons, much as I am now, one week ago today when I decided to create this new blog and commit to one new post everyday. 

(That was a pretty long sentence. But grammatically correct. I think.)

I have, so far, kept up with that commitment, and I feel good to be writing regularly again. Getting started today, however, felt like a chore. But once I do get to it, I enjoy the writing, and I always feel good after I'm done. 

My blog is now approaching 300 views. I average about 30 views per blog. Today alone, 52 people have already checked out my page. I've gone global even! Readers from several countries—including Serbia, Germany, Italy, The Netherlands, and Jamaica—have at least glanced at my work, which is pretty awesome. So hello and welcome Serbians, Germans, Italians, Dutch, Jamaicans and others who all share living space on this floating mass of rock, metal, gas, and water we call home. 

Maybe someone will even leave a comment one day. Even just to tell me I suck. 

And I do suck, make no mistake. I continue to catch multiple typos after I publish posts. Still part of my Blog Writing Process for now. Sort of a by-product of my general writing process. I get the ideas out first, and then I continually edit, revise, cut, and repeat as needed. I don't pre-plain much. I let ideas develop as I write. Add in to the mix that I'm awful at typing, as I mentioned before, and viola, rampant typos (although, believe it or not, I'm an awesome speller).

Still, I don't want to leave my dirty laundry out for all to see. So I will make some plan, eventually, to publish more polished posts on a daily basis. 

On July 14th, 2014, I hope to look back and claim I posted a blog every day for a year. I also hope to to comment on how bad my early posts fucking sucked. Unless this is the best I'm capable of. Then, good job, me! 

But, perhaps, after a year of blogging  with little to no noticeable progress, no definable direction, and no benefit to my life or writing of any kind...just perhaps it will be time to be honest with myself, re-evaluate this endeavor, and move on to something else that I may, you know, be good at. 

That would suck though. 

You may have noticed the the Overly Attached Girlfriend meme I used for this post. The girl behind the meme, who goes by the name Laina, is actually not crazy, as she is portrayed by countless meme creators. She is quite clever and funny. Check out some of her videos on YouTube.

And in case you still care, I WILL finish and post the promised blog about swearing.

Dreams of Coffee and the Keyboard

This is a call to the lifeline. 

The first day away from my boys is always the hardest. I had tons of plans for things I wanted to get done today. 

I barely did any of it.

I look around my empty home. A few toys still strewn about. My boys had played with them only several hours ago this morning. 

I regret every time I raised my voice to them during the week, despite that it's necessary at times. Fear is what usually causes me to do so. And my fear instills a fear in them. I hate that. 

Parenting can be truly terrifying. I have said it to others before, but I never knew real fear until I had children. 

I did do some writing today. And started several ideas for new, upcoming blogs. 

Watched a fantastic movie. Cloud Atlas. I usually don't have much time to sit and watch a movie in its entirety anymore. I tell myself I deserved a day to laze around. Maybe even needed it. 

I can see why many didn't like Cloud Atlas. But I loved it. And good stories always inspire me to want to get back to my stories. Then I usually make some half-assed attempt at write a new and/or re-visiting an older story. 

I may have to read the book now too. 

I will do some writing tomorrow. First thing in the morning before I do anything else. 

Just my coffee and the keyboard. 

That is my bliss. My lifeline (super cheesy...makes me want to change the title of my blog).

The positive: my boys are safely asleep after a fun day with their mother. They missed her. They need their mommy. They are healthy and beautiful. Things aren't ideal, especially now during the oh-so-strange transition period. But I am very lucky in many, many ways.

Abrupt topic switch: I swear, the afore mentioned promised post about my random usage of the f-bomb is coming soon. Hopefully tomorrow. Maybe I shouldn't make such promises anymore. :/

God, I fucking loathe emoticons. 

I Hope...and I Write

Once again, I will have to keep this short. And get to the promised post about my seemingly random cuss usage next time. 

I take my boys back to their mother tomorrow, so I will not see them for a week......

.

.

.

.

.

.

.....I want to spend as much time with them tonight as possible. I will miss them more than I can convey. I already miss them thinking about how I will miss them, if that makes sense. 

I hate this. I hate everything about the dissolution of what was—not so long ago—a beautiful family. My boys are dealing with the whole thing like champs. But sometimes when they are upset or sick or just irritable, they will cry for their mommy.

It breaks my heart.

I will never understand how she was able to choose this for our family. For our boys.

Never.

And I resent her for it. I curse her quietly to myself often...especially when things get difficult. 

Enough of the fucking sob story. Nobody wants to read about that shit. 

I hope writing about it will allow me not to think about it as much and focus more of my energies on enjoying the rest of the night with my boys. 

As Red said, I hope. 

Ask the Owl

At the end of my post yesterday, I promised to explain the random swear. I finished a good chunk of that post, but it's been a long day. And churning out these blogs daily while taking care of my boys is hard to maintain.

I'm tired. 

I will have MUCH more time next week, when my boys are with my not-yet ex-wife. Time away from them feels fucking awful, so writing and blogging will help to keep my mind busy. 

In the mean time, I'll share a fanatic quote about writing from, perhaps, my favorite writer, Isaac Asimov, that I came across yesterday on the Advice to Writers Twitter feed. Check it out. Lots of good stuff there. 

I credit Asimov with igniting my passion for both reading and writing...and science and learning in general. To be honest, I can't remember why the quote struck me as so great. See for yourself: 

"It is not my face I sell. Only my writing."

Perhaps the appeal is that the quote is so very Asimov, if you know anything about the man. He was all about writing. All the other crap that went with it was secondary and a distraction from writing. 

I wonder if we still live in that world. Does the face now help sell writing? 

Perhaps a question for the owl. 

Tomorrow, I will return to the promised explanation of my random usage of swears. 

A little fucking patience, please. 

Blog Writing Process

When I used to teach college comp, a large component of my class was about the writing process. Along with the papers my students wrote, we put a lot of time and effort into exploring the writing process itself, which, in theory, afforded students an enhanced awareness of their writing strengths and weakness (a.k.a. "areas of growth"). Students could then, in theory, use this "vital" self-knowledge to exert greater control over their writing and, ultimately, implement changes to improve upon both their strengths and "areas of growth". 

I like writing process stuff. Although the data on whether exploring process actually improves writing is dubious. I would guess there is some benefit. But ultimately, to get better at writing, you have to continually practice the craft. So in exploring their writing processes in-depth, students also engaged in more writing practice. It was almost like sneaking in a second essay along with each of the "real" essays they were assigned. 

Yesterday's post got me thinking of my own process, specifically in relation to meeting my goal of writing and posting a new blog everyday.

So far, my process involves writing and/or thinking about ideas for the next day's post while working on my then current post.

Ideas and writing begets more ideas and more writing. 

I record my ideas, and sometimes passages, right away. If I wait even a little while, I'll forget. 

After I post the blog I was working on, I get a head start on the next day's blog while the ideas are fresh and feel more exciting. The next day, I complete my post, and then I revise and edit later that same day. 

Sometime in the evening after I feed the boys dinner (and before their bath time), I publish the blog and post it to my Google+, Facebook, and Twitter sites. 

I usually find more typos and other errors to correct after I post. Embarrassing, yes. But above all, I want these blogs to be honest. And so, I must confess that I fucking suck at typing. I sort of invented a half-baked method that allows me to type faster. But the by-product is typos and other errors. 

All throughout my blog writing process, I am thinking of and jotting down new ideas for upcoming blogs. I already have a few ideas lined up. Tomorrow's post is almost done. I anticipate I will accumulate a back log of ideas and partially completed posts, making my blog process faster and more refined as I continue writing them. 

Fuckin' A. 

(Tune in tomorrow to find out more about the random swear I ended today's blog post with.)

Write-Life Balance

I picked up my boys from my estranged wife over the weekend. (I originally typed "strange wife"—Freudian Slip or meaningless typo?) I have the boys the whole week. I wish I could be with them more often still. However, single-parenting three-year-olds and working my somewhat decent-salaried, full-time job make it hard to fit in any time for myself.

How, then, will I fit time to write and stick to my goal of one new blog post every day. 

We hear a lot about work-life balance, a seemingly mythical skill set I have definitely not mastered. I'm not sure the concept even applies to single parents of twins.

We hear little, however, of write-life balance, for those of us who have this inexplicable compulsion to scrawl a pen across the page, whether we get paid for it or not. I'm in the "not" category, by the way. I would, of course, like that to change. But I will continue to scrawl symbols regardless. It is my "lifeline" after all.

That last sentence is so bad, it's almost good.

We hear so little of this write-life balance concept, I was actually naive enough to think I made the term up myself. Thank you as always, Google, for reminding me how unoriginal I am.

I found several interesting sounding articles about how to successfully integrate writing into your life. And I plan to read those article. Someday.

I mostly want to acknowledge the issue of trying to find time to write amidst a busy life for myself...and anyone who may actually read my blog. Google tells me actual human beings have at least looked at it. It's a start.

My current plan is to keep my blogs short when I have my boys with me. This current post may actually be one of the longer ones of the week.

I am glad to be writing again. And to be taking my writing a step further than journaling, which I have gotten kinda sick of.

The next, next step will be to start working on new and/or some of my abandoned, older stories. I also have an unfinished Master's Thesis to get back to. All the coursework for the degree is done. I should probably put the damn thesis at the top of my writing to-do list.

Oh joy. 

Second, Third, and Fourth Guessing

So, yeah, I do it. 

I must have re-read and made a million little edits to my first blog post yesterday. 

After I published it. 

I have to wonder how many read the versions with typos in it? Or with some of the other grammatical errors I caught? And are there more errors I'm still missing? Can I word some parts better or more concisely? Do I go off on unrelated tangents that pull readers out of my main and supporting points? 

I also spent way to much time agonizing over the "Writing as a Life Line" title I chose for the whole blog. Again, after I committed and published the blog.

The simple answer is that writing has always sort of been a lifeline for me. I've relied on writing since my late teens, often to help me make sense of all the jumbled thoughts in my head. To get those thoughts out of my mind and down on a page (or on a computer screen) in order to better reflect, make sense of, understand, and release them.

The page is where I have typically turned to when I feel like crap. Like nothing makes sense. Writing has helped me to "craft" a sort of narrative coherence for the randomness of life and the miasma of thoughts that continually run through my head. 

And then there is also the creative outlet writing provides. My one art. My one, small space in life where I can do or say or think or feel or be whatever I like.

I used to be surprised that everybody doesn't rely on writing in the same way. That some people actually hate writing. I guess, in ways, I still am surprised. 

The even simpler answer is that the "Writing as a Life Line" title just popped it my head. 

I questioned it for a bit. Is there something more catchy and original I can use? Is it boring? Is it an over-used title? I was somewhat encouraged that it didn't register as the name of another blog when I created this one. 

Then, I channeled my inner Natalie Goldberg.... 

...and remembered a section from Writing Down the Bones about how she came up with the book's title. It just popped into her head as something that fit, to badly paraphrase her point. 

So I decided to go with my own head-popping epiphany. 

Later, of course, I Googled the title. And there were some similar hits, such as Lifelines: How Personal Writing Can Save Your Life [With 13 Lifeline Cards]. The synopsis made me want to puke a little in someone else's mouth (*side note: I did not follow through).

But nothing from the search mad me feel like "Writing as a Life Line" was an overly used or even a common phrase, much less a blog title. It fit for me and my purposes. (*Also note the intentional and clearly inspired separation of the the words life and line from lifeline.) 

And so I went with it. 

And so I am also reminded of the power of Google to define my perceptions of the world. 

See. Unrelated tangents can be OK—and even kind of fun—at times. 

And, yes, I used the word miasma. Look it up, for fuck's sake. 

Initiation: First Post

How many assholes have started a new blog with something like "this is my first post!" Great. Good for you.

Consider me among that group of assholes.

I have blogged plenty in the past. But I have never really committed to it as I would have liked, just as I have never committed to my writing as I would have liked.

Now I find 10, 15 years have passed, and I am no longer the young, upstart writer I imagined myself to be. Middle age is fast approaching, and I haven't written shit. Sure, I have some works I completed and sent off to publishers for possible publication. I even have one piece that was published in an academic journal (which no one will ever read...except for MAYBE a handful of academics).

But somewhere, life got in the way of this passion (my only real passion, other than my boys) for way, WAY too long.

There is no one to blame. I am responsible for my life choices.

As much as I would like to blame my newly separated, life-drain of a wife—a story for another day, perhaps—I know that's not fair...and an easy cop-out. Did I mean the life-drain part isn't fair or the blame part? Or both? Here's what I can confidently say about separation and divorce for now: it is a train wreck of an experience emotionally, financially, and a million other -ally's I don't have time to sort out, much less list. Let's just stick with it's confusing as crap for now.

In any case, I am making some new choices, and this is the start.

I have no particular theme for this blog. Not yet, anyway. I plan to write whatever comes from...wherever thoughts and ideas come from. I was going to say "my mind," but what the fuck does that overused, generic word even mean? Mind has a plethora of meanings. Yes, I said plethora.

Thank you Three Amigos.

Let me simplify. I will write. Hopefully everyday.

As a single father of twin boys, I will have to squeeze in writing between taking care of crazy three-year-olds, a full-time job, and dealing with my ersatz wife. Needless to say, I will not always be able to write as much as I would like. But I WILL get at least something down every day, even if it's only a couple paragraphs or even sentences. And always something honest.

That is my overall goal. Honesty. Harder than it sounds.

As of today, I have no followers. That may or may not change. But I write mostly for myself. Sure, I take audience into account. But I have to be happy with what I do first. And if someone else happens to like what I write, great!

So this is the end of my first post for this new blog. One voice among 7 billion.

I am the 1.4285714e-10%.