Dreams of Coffee and the Keyboard

This is a call to the lifeline. 

The first day away from my boys is always the hardest. I had tons of plans for things I wanted to get done today. 

I barely did any of it.

I look around my empty home. A few toys still strewn about. My boys had played with them only several hours ago this morning. 

I regret every time I raised my voice to them during the week, despite that it's necessary at times. Fear is what usually causes me to do so. And my fear instills a fear in them. I hate that. 

Parenting can be truly terrifying. I have said it to others before, but I never knew real fear until I had children. 

I did do some writing today. And started several ideas for new, upcoming blogs. 

Watched a fantastic movie. Cloud Atlas. I usually don't have much time to sit and watch a movie in its entirety anymore. I tell myself I deserved a day to laze around. Maybe even needed it. 

I can see why many didn't like Cloud Atlas. But I loved it. And good stories always inspire me to want to get back to my stories. Then I usually make some half-assed attempt at write a new and/or re-visiting an older story. 

I may have to read the book now too. 

I will do some writing tomorrow. First thing in the morning before I do anything else. 

Just my coffee and the keyboard. 

That is my bliss. My lifeline (super cheesy...makes me want to change the title of my blog).

The positive: my boys are safely asleep after a fun day with their mother. They missed her. They need their mommy. They are healthy and beautiful. Things aren't ideal, especially now during the oh-so-strange transition period. But I am very lucky in many, many ways.

Abrupt topic switch: I swear, the afore mentioned promised post about my random usage of the f-bomb is coming soon. Hopefully tomorrow. Maybe I shouldn't make such promises anymore. :/

God, I fucking loathe emoticons.