Road to Divorce Chronicles: How Not to Text Your Ex

Blog writer's log: 

I have rambled on and on aimlessly with this blog. It remains directionless. But now I feel I need a direction, a main purpose for this blog. A mission statement, if you will. 

Really, I write about writing and how it supports life. The "mission" lies somewhere within that domain. And yet, I need a tighter and more focused blogging agenda. How does writing serve as my lifeline? And what can I say on a daily basis that will engage readers? Keep them interested.

It seems I write about writing and divorce mostly. 

Does doing both split the focus for this blog? Maybe I need more than one blog, and each will have it's own purpose. In that way, I can post every day, but I can explore different topics specific to the purpose of each blog, 

Yesterday, for example, I wrote about how I really could not stand my separated wife within a post that was about something else entirely. The bit about my wife was a relatively unimportant aside. 

I want to follow up on that now, though, because writing was involved. 

We had a sort of text argument. We do most of our communicating via text these days, despite that I kind of fucking hate texting. It can be a handy tool, but it has taken over how people communicate, in ways. That being said, I would guess more people are writing now more than ever because of texting, even if it is with those awful text-speak abbreviations, verbal short cuts, and acronyms. It's still writing.

Anyway, I sent my wife an apology text first thing this morning. I was snippy and rude last night. I don't hate her. I don't know if I can say I still love her, but she didn't deserve my attitude yesterday. Furthermore, it's not productive for us or our boys. Sometimes it is hard, but I have to make efforts to ensure we communicate well. 

She appreciated the apology, and I felt good that I did it. She mentioned she felt we could be friends, maybe. I don't know about that. Possibly someday. I do have a lot of contempt for her. 

But really, if I am honest, I wish we could get back together. Even after all the crap of this...ordeal. For my boys mostly. I came from a broken home, and I hate the idea of putting them through that (although I am already a million times of a better father than mine ever was). 

For my boys, I would make amends with my wife and stay married and live together again. I am pretty sure that will never happen. And I am by no means a puppy dog pining for her to take me back. Fuck that. She made her choice, and I am moving on. But for my boys, if she ever expressed interest in reconciling, I would make a really hard effort to bring our family back together and under the same roof. 

So, for my boys...I will work to cultivate a friendship of sorts with my someday ex-wife. 

Now, if only I could just come to trust her again and not feel she is full of shit most of the time.