I'm a Monster...and Return of the Cover Letter Quest
Happy March.
A new month. A new start...yadda yadda.
Newsflash...my almost ex-wife hates me and thinks I'm a quote, unquote monster.
How so very...Freudian projection-y.
She generally gets upset with me when I don't see things her way and don't do what she wants. Doing things her way is what she considers compromise. She's like a Republican in that regard.
Therefore there is nothing I can do or say except to submit that will serve to make her see me as anything less than a quote, unquote monster.
But here's the thing I don't think she has fully grasped, despite that she initiated this divorce: I don't do things for her any more.
Everything I do is for our children, which I have residential custody of and therefore basically do all the work and parenting.
Issues she does not like are generally about her, and she can get mad, yell, scream, call me names all day (many much worse than monster, I might add), if it makes her feel better. I'm still not going to submit to make her feel better...or whatever she thinks will happen after she calls me names.
I don't do things for her anymore. I am not accountable to her anymore.
Of course it affects me. It makes me feel...I don't know if bad is the word. I guess I am just not used to someone cursing me out with such passionate distaste and disregard, especially someone who had not so very long ago--and for about a decade--I thought of as quote, unquote the love of my life; quote, unquote, my best friend; and quote, unquote, the person I would grow old with. Basically also those love cliches, which I don't know if I will ever be able to buy into again.
I'm big on quote, unquoting today (without actually using any quotes).
But I can deal with feeling bad. I'm a big boy. I make decisions that are more me-and-my-children-centered. I don't owe her anything else, except cooperation and communication in regards to matters that involve our children.
I did not want this. I still don't, to some extent. It's just a rough situation for my boys, and I hate that they will be in a broken home, will not have as much financial security, and all the other things that come with divorce.
But I have to protect myself to better protect them.
A new month. A new start...yadda yadda.
Newsflash...my almost ex-wife hates me and thinks I'm a quote, unquote monster.
How so very...Freudian projection-y.
She generally gets upset with me when I don't see things her way and don't do what she wants. Doing things her way is what she considers compromise. She's like a Republican in that regard.
Therefore there is nothing I can do or say except to submit that will serve to make her see me as anything less than a quote, unquote monster.
But here's the thing I don't think she has fully grasped, despite that she initiated this divorce: I don't do things for her any more.
Everything I do is for our children, which I have residential custody of and therefore basically do all the work and parenting.
Issues she does not like are generally about her, and she can get mad, yell, scream, call me names all day (many much worse than monster, I might add), if it makes her feel better. I'm still not going to submit to make her feel better...or whatever she thinks will happen after she calls me names.
I don't do things for her anymore. I am not accountable to her anymore.
Of course it affects me. It makes me feel...I don't know if bad is the word. I guess I am just not used to someone cursing me out with such passionate distaste and disregard, especially someone who had not so very long ago--and for about a decade--I thought of as quote, unquote the love of my life; quote, unquote, my best friend; and quote, unquote, the person I would grow old with. Basically also those love cliches, which I don't know if I will ever be able to buy into again.
I'm big on quote, unquoting today (without actually using any quotes).
But I can deal with feeling bad. I'm a big boy. I make decisions that are more me-and-my-children-centered. I don't owe her anything else, except cooperation and communication in regards to matters that involve our children.
I did not want this. I still don't, to some extent. It's just a rough situation for my boys, and I hate that they will be in a broken home, will not have as much financial security, and all the other things that come with divorce.
But I have to protect myself to better protect them.
*********
Continued job search. Basically, looking for something closer to my almost ex...for my boys sake. But I am also looking for something better than I have now.
Cover letters and vitas: round one
Already a rejection email. Not even an interview. Not even worth of snail mail letter. A little alarming. But moving along.
I have another I recently sent I that I really, really want. I even prayed last night...so I'm a hypocritical non-believer. Except I do believe to some extent. But I want some kind of proof...which I guess is anathema to the concept of faith. But I can't just believe because of some hypothetical, benevolent supernatural being who will torture more for eternity after I die if I don't swear fealty based on passages in a books written 1600 or so odd years ago by multiple authors (and edited pretty badly, I might add) and made the official law of the land by a failing Roman Emperor who wanted to consolidate power over an increasingly over-extended empire.
I need more than that.
But I prayed anyway, for whatever good that will do.
Lots of openings now that I will be applying to. Time is an issue, as it always is when you are raising twin toddlers pretty much on your own.
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