It's Alive: The Life Line Continues...For Now (and a side not about keeping regular)

Still here.

I've been contemplating shutting down the Life Line at the one year anniversary (came and went on the 14th of July).

Really, I'm, not sure why I keep up with it. This blog is a hackneyed compilation of barfed out thoughts on...whatever. No real revision or forethought...pretty much par for the Life Line from day one.

Sometimes, I think, I just need an escape from life. Something else to do and think about that also allows me to write. Because I love writing, and I still don't get to do it nearly as much as I would like. I get some sense of reward and accomplishment from posting these mundane, meandering snippets of my misspent life. More, in ways, than writing in a journal. The public-ness adds a little something extra. Of course with the public-ness comes more self-restraint and censoring than I might do in a private journal. But I don't feel as fulfilled with journals as I used to. And I have journaled for a loooong time. Someday, I plan to do something with all those pages and pages of journal. No idea what but...something.

Maybe I should be a memoir or creative non-fiction writer...or something like that.

Crazy shit going on (not to be confused with the side note below). I have accepted the new position, so this months brings the end of an old job and the start of a new. Been spending a helluva lot of time finding housing and day care arrangements (my ex, of course, has not help with the latter at all...which I shouldn't find odd at this point but, yet, I still do for who the hell knows why). Plus planning the move, packing up my house, closing things out at work, and million other little things here and there that adds up to tons of crazy shit I'm juggling to keep up with. I'm OK. I'm OK. No really. I'm OK. Fuck.

But really. I'm OK. And this transition, as stressful and anxiety-laden as it is, is not as stressful as the divorce-move last year. It's a new start in a new town. Looking forward to it, really. But right now, I am just in holy-mother-of-god overwhelmed mode. Hence my escape in the Life Line...for a little but. This is one of the reasons I started the Life Line, among others, because last year, I was newly separated from my then-wife and on the brink of divorce. And rumor has it divorce can be pretty stressful. And by pretty stressful I basically mean THE most stressful thing people experience. Top two: death and divorce. Seriously. I'll find a source. Franklin (and Defoe?...didn't know that) should have amended their death and taxes spiel to death and divorce.

And here's that source I mentioned...sometimes it's better not to know. And yet, it makes me feel better.

I also found this gem of a quote that resonated with me (comma splice and all): "I don't miss [her], I miss who I though [she] was." -- Anonymous

Add to all that...I got called just yesterday for another job interview. And I either foolishly or inspirationally accepted. Bad timing, man. Bad. Timing.

I'm OK.

*Side note: I've shat like three times today already (*side-side note: I totally did not expect shat to be in Merriam's). And not little pebbles here and there but giant bowel clearing pythons. Where is all that crap stored? I wonder if I weigh less. If I would have known this would happen today, I would have weighed myself first thing this morning and compared to my current post-shat weight.

This is actually not an uncommon occurrence either. But today's...output has been truly exceptional. The timing is pretty good. It would seriously interfere with my work productivity and ability to watch my boys if this happened during the week. But I have to wonder why? I am also pretty regular during the week (and as the Scatman has most wisely noted, "you got to keep regular if you want to keep happy!"), so why doesn't my body gradually unload during the week instead of storing it up for the big weekend finale? *Shrug*

End side note*

And if you haven't noticed, I gave the Life Line a tiny face life. The black theme was depressing me.

The Cliched Awesomeness of Coffee Shops and Writing (Part I)

I'm writing from my favorite coffee shop. Ever. I have not written at any coffee shop in a long time. I don't think since I moved into my current place with my boys. The town/city I live in now does NOT have a coffee shop.

What the hell.

The town has its charms, but I'm not exactly sure what to make of a population of people who do no value or support a coffee shop. There was one here. But it did not do well and closed. I will be glad to leave that city.

At the same time, I have become comfortable in that town, in our home, in my job, in the school my boys go to, in our routine. Enough to make me question taking the new position (I've already accepted). Enough to instill a healthy dose of fear and anxiety. But things are falling into place as the move date approaches, as more unknowns become knowns.

The new city I'm moving to--attached to the new job I'll be starting next month--has tons of coffee. The city in general is a much better fit for me. And not just because of the coffee shops. I found our new townhouse yesterday. I'm subletting for several months and then I plan to buy next spring.

But back to coffee shops, I know its cliche, but I have done tons of writing--GOOD writing--at coffee shops. I basically wrote my way through my education at coffee shops. I like the background noise and chatter of other people enjoying their coffees, writing, quietly socializing, etc. That somehow keeps my more focused. I am much less productive at home. It's too comfortable. Too easy to do...nothing. The lure of slacking off is powerful. The lure of doing something else--housework, reading, organizing--somehow seems to weigh heavier as I sit there.

To be continued...

A Job Offer (Finally!)...Should I Stay or Should I Go?

The one year anniversary of this blog is approaching fast. My initial goal had been to post a blog every day. That did work out. More recently, within the last few months, I changed that goal to averaging a post every other day for the year. I was into it for a while. But then, as usual, life got in the way. I also lost interest. I didn't feel I had something to say everyday. The thought of post to the blog become a chore, not something I looked forward to an relied on. There is no real payoff for me for this blog. There used to be. It did help me to think through all the mind slush during a very difficult life transition.

I still struggle with it, of course. But I have reached a place of equilibrium, as the transition became my new norm. I did well during the year even, with some set backs here and there, as there always are. But I continued to make forward progress.

With a little help from my friends and family as well.

I am on the brink of a new transition now, albeit a more positive one. This year, I also put of lot of time into looking for a new job for a variety of reasons I won't go into. I had some mini-successes, but kept applying. It was both a boon and a hindrance to have a decently salaried position with excellent benefits. I could be selective. I wasn't desperate. I could even turn down positions if I did not like the offer. On the other hand, my heart was not always in the search. There is comfort in the known, which at times detracted from my motivation. Some of my interviews were half-hearted . Some I did not prepare very well for. So while I had nibbles, I did not get any job offers.

Until last week. I am all but certain I will accept it, which means another move. Which means uprooting my boys again. They are a year older now, so I think the transition will be more stressful for them as well.

But they are also still young enough to get situated quickly to a new place and school. Now is the time, and the position is a good one with more of a chance for advancement and in a city that is a better fit for me. I MISS good coffee shops, Panera, and Barnes and Nobel, as weird as that sounds.

It's also a chance to start anew. There is too much here that I associate with my pre-divorce life...with my ex-wife. I like the idea of a clean slate. At the same time, I will also live closer to the ex, which is good for the boys and for me. I do want the boys to be closer to their mother.

Add to that, I feel I can finally "drop anchor" in this new place. I have not felt that way here. It always felt like a stepping stone for the next thing, albeit an excellent stepping stone.

I am in a position to buy a house. I would like to buy in time for the move...in time for my new job's start date. This is possible if I move fast. I have been planning to buy in advance. I already have an approved lender  and loan in place.

Since the job offer, which I have not yet accepted, I have been scoping out homes online. Next is to contact my lender and visit these home. There a few I really like that fit my budget and in excellent school districts.

That is where I am at now. Unless I get a counter offer from my current employer--they value me, but that scenario is unlikely--I will accept the job Monday or Tuesday.

I am already making preparations to move...which I am not looking forward to at all.

A part of me is considering holding out for an even better position. But I can't make plans based on positions I have applied for but have not yet even been called in for interview yet. But there are still applications out there...and I will continue to look to upgrade because...why wouldn't I?

In the meantime, I have been germinating plans for additional income. I have some start up ideas. There are a lot of possibilities. And I feel more ready to pursue them than I have in a long time.

The shroud of the post-separation/divorce funk is lifting.