Lifelining Through a PhD Program and Other Recent Life Transitions

I have been feeling the need to return to my blog posts. I am feeling a need for the lifeline again. I am at something of a crossroads and a new life transition on several levels, and that is what the Lifeline had started out as. A major life transition, a divorce and single-parenting twin sons (baby-toddlers). I was overwhelmed. Heartbroken. Feeling very alone in the world. But I had written. I had this blog, and it helped. I am now sure exactly why. But I was inspired to start this blog then, back in 2013. Gosh, so long ago now. 

And it helped. It really did.

But I really LOVE the idea of using writing to work through life transitions. 

There are other transitions I am dealing with as well. Some of the societal, that we are all dealing with...hello pandemic and fascist, dictator seeking to throughout our democratic process to stay in power. It is scary stuff. 

My stepfather passed, and my sisters and I have taken on their financial burden and care for my mother. There is so much there I don't even know where to begin. 

My boys are 10 now. Tweens. My girlfriend says they are tweens now. And I guess that is accurate. They are certainly these budding men now, still clinging on the childhood. And I feel behind in catching up to that reality. they ingrained in my head as toddlers, but that really short-changes them. This is much easier than those toddler years. And with the pandemic and social distancing, it has been a luxury that they always have someone to play with: each other. But I also feel such sorry they can't stretch their social wings more. At an age this is becoming more important. 10. I have very vivid memories of being 10. The year the Bears won the Superbowl (Easier enough to calculate my age now). 

I have continued to be with the same girl I initially wrote about a couple years back. Fours years together now. Just celebrated our four year anniversary. It's a long-distance relationship. That has had challenges we both struggle with. I love her deeply, and we so lovee being together. And people who see us together see how in love we are and how contented we are together. She has brought such tremendous love into my life, among so many other things. But it is tragic, in ways. We can't be together more as we would like. We continued to work through that. And we are doing it. 

I have switched jobs. I am the Director of another program at another school. Starting year three of this job. 

My ex-wife has remarried. The woman she initially cheated on me with and left me for. Her wife is actually great with my kids, and I love that. But there is an odd tension I am not certain how to make sense of or handle. 

AND I started a Ph.D. program. In Higher Education Administration. Blending that into the mix is difficult. I feel overwhelmed. But...I am doing it. 

I have always liked the free form and public anonymity of this blog. This Writing. This Lifeline. I don't spend to much time edited. I just release what Natalie Goldberg refers to as the monkey mind as it comes to me. And I am a terrible typer...so always typos. Always. 

So here it is. My first Lifeline blog post in years. Will this help me as it did then? Will I stick with it? I guess we'll see.